Prime Directive

Self-reflection, it is what haunts us after we have done something we know we shouldn’t have, or it could be us looking back at something we have done with pride. Either way, we are forced to examine ourselves and reflect on what happened. In order for a person to self-reflect, they have had to something of significance or importance to themselves, something that has come back to their mind after the fact, for one reason or another. People usually self-reflect because they are ashamed of themselves for certain behaviors they wish they could go back in time and change. Such is the case with David Griffith.
At a Halloween party, Dave Griffith, after having a few beers, posed for a picture with a man who was dressed as Charles Graner, the man who posed for disgusting pictures with prisoners from the Abu Ghraib prison. The ironic part about this is that Griffith had thought about the incident at the prison earlier that same night. The morning after, he is horrified and utterly ashamed at what he has done. This self-reflection brings him to realize that he is essentially just like Charles Graner, a fact that startles and scares him immensely.
The fact that the story takes place on Halloween has so much significance in its self. Halloween is the one night a year that one can become someone else and it’s fine because everyone else is doing it too. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. There’s no judgment. Judgment is replaced with freedom. People do things on Halloween in character, things they wouldn’t do themselves. Throw some kegs into the mix and you have people loosening up and doing things as a Prozac pill or Cracker Jack kid, that they never would have done themselves. Griffith is no exception. In the heat of the moment, he made a decision he wasn’t thinking through, a decision he probably wouldn’t have made out of costume. At on of the parties, the discussion is opened that the situation in Iraq could benefit from the Prime Directive, the moral code from Star Trek, which basically says no one may “interfere with healthy development of alien life and culture.” (128). The partygoers discussed the fact that if George Bush had followed the rule, the problem in Iraq would never have come to fruition.
While the group discussed atrocities that have gone on in Iraq, Griffith is astounded when what happened at Abu Grahib is not mentioned. But while reading it, I was not astonished. I barely even remember hearing about it on the news. As my family is not a cable-subscribing one, we don’t have CNN or Fox News, which covered the incident more closely. But even using the word “incident” seems wrong to me when describing what happened there. What happened there was caused by Americans, they were the ones who tortured the prisoners and took pictures. And because they were Americans, the media didn’t expose the story in the way that it would have been if it were any other country that had done this to Americans.
After this thought crossing Griffith’s mind, he expresses his confusion and disappointment when he walks past “people playing drinking games” and “grinding to Outkast”. Honestly, I can see where he is coming from. I have been there before where you think of something so significant and then every detail around you seems unimportant and stupid. It causes you to judge yourself and others; something I’m not sure gets you anywhere. When he thought of the Chingy video with the voluptuous video girls and booty shaking, he stepped out of context for me. I understand that it reminded him of the naked bodies in the pictures of Abu Grahib, but videos are of themselves, they are not meant to offend anyone.
When Griffith sees the man dressed as Charles Graner, I felt as though he and I had the same reaction: how could he? It seemed so morbid to me. It made a mockery of what happened there and what Graner did and how horrible it was. But even as I find myself saying this, I realize that is not what Griffith wanted us to take away from his story, he wanted us to realize that, in the words of Dostoevsky, “we are no better”. Griffith learned that he was just as capable of doing something as atrocious as Graner as anybody else is. The fact’s truth horrified him, as it would anyone else who had any trace of a heart. As much as I hope that I will never do anything like what either Griffith or Graner did, I cannot promise it. Humans instinctively are influenced by their surroundings, whether they will admit it or not.
“Educated, metropolitan people could never do such things; we are too aware, too aware of the ways in which we must respect one another’s differences” (…) (135) This is the exact thought that I think to myself when I lie to myself by denying the fact that I could never bring myself to do something so horrible. That’s something only white trash, no moral possessing, no money having, no church going, no Holy Spirit having, gross people would do. But how many times have I let other my surrounding get the better of me and let myself make decisions I knew I would regret? How many times have I made a decision not thinking anyone would find out about? The answer is I do these things probably everyday. Maybe they are not on the same level of atrocious as the pictures of naked bodies being tortured, but who’s to say I will never do something equally disgusting?
“When we deny we have anything in common with Graner and the others who are pictured in the photos, we allow all that is most despicable and ugly in our nature to thrive.” (136).
It didn’t take much self-reflection for Griffith to know what he did was horribly wrong. In his words, “I posed with Graner, and by doing so, humiliated those victims all over again.” (136). He had become Graner himself, and he knew it. He humiliated the victims just as Graner did. They are no different just because one did it as a sick joke, which he didn’t think through; the point is he did it. One is not better than the other and never will be.

but daddy, i wanted the pink one!

ok, so here i am again with little to nothing to write about....ok got something. I am currently writing this paper on my roommate/best friend's macbook lap top. Do you want to know why I am not using my own lap top? People might guess, "because you don't have one??" But oh, i have one. I have possibly the slowest, most unreliable, worst laptop known to man. Sometimes it decides to pick up the internet, sometimes it doesnt. Sometimes it decides to be kinda ok fast, sometimes it decides to be as slow as Christmas

Do you want to know why i have possibly the worst laptop of any one on campus?? Because my father could quite possibly be the cheapest, most frugal man alive. I mean, its really sad. The man goes 5 miles down to Kroger when we basically live next door to Publix because "they have better prices". What he doesn't realize is the gas he uses to get there and back probably outweighs the difference in the cost of the groceries from one place to another. He travels for a living and very very often has to stay in hotels. If you open up his bathroom closet, you will find literally a hudred of those little bottles of shampoo and body wash and bars of soap that he has jacked out of each hotel he has stayed at. That way he doesn't have to pay for any of these toiletries hardly ever. He makes us turn in all of our reciepts of anything we put on our credit cards, even if it is like 30 cents... the man is crazy!!

Anyway that is all beside the point. The point is, due to my dad's cheapness, I have a crappy computer. I was really hoping to get one of those new pink laptops that dell makes, but nooooo. I got the ugly grey Everex? A brand nobody has even heard of, just because there was "a great deal on it". He got some kind of giant rebate off it and just couldn't help himself. I honestly thought i was going to get the laptop of my choice because I am basically going to college for free due to scholarships i have gotten. That should weigh in somewhere if you ask me. He should have said, "oh thank you meg for your great work....you may have anything you want!!" But thats not exactly how life works now is it?

September 11th, album release??

Does anyone else find it very strange and somewhat offensive how this September 11th was celebrated this year? In case you didn't hear, both 50 Cent and Kanye West decided to release their albums this year on September 11th. Now usually artists will schedule their release dates around other artists release dates, but the rappers decided to use their simultaneous release dates as a competition of sorts. Both rappers swore to quit their solo rap careers if the other rapper beat them in record sales. For those of you out there counting, the last I heard Kanye had doubled the g-unit frontman's sales so far.

The artists have used the release date and challenge as publicity, obviously, but if you ask me, they have taken it a step too far. I was watching Best Week Ever today which was making fun of the fact that the artists had chosen such an important and significant date to Americans to do something as miniscule as drop their album. What really made my head spin was that the rappers appeared on BET's popular show 106th and Park on September 11th to promote both of their albums and the show's host started the show off by saying, "today, September the 11th, is a monumental day". But he wasn't referring to the significance of 9/11 as most of us know it. He wasn't talking about the close to 6,000 people who lost their lives, thousands more who were injured, the event that started the current war we are fighting in, and he certainly was not coming out of a place of reverence. No, he was talking about how "monumental" it is that 2 artists of 50 and Kanye's caliber were dropping their albums on the same day

Now don't get me wrong, I am a fan of both of these artists. I love the diverstiy and newness that Kanye brings to hip-hop. And 50 Cent has turned himself into more of a mogul than an artist. His background is the quinticential "rags to riches story". These 2 men are incedibly influencial to hip-hop and pop culture itself. But is hip-hop or pop culture as important and significant as what happened on 9/11? I don't think so. I don't think its anywhere close. I think that it is completely irreverent and selfish to 1st of all: use this date as your album release date. And 2nd of all: call dropping an album on that day "monumental". When put next to what happened at the world trade center on that day, it is anything but monumental.

This also makes me wonder: did the artists use this date as a marketing tool? September 11th is a date that sticks out in my mind. I hardly ever know what day of the month it is, but on September 11th I definitely know. Did the artists take advantage of the freshness on American's mind of the events of that day to think to themselves, "let's use its familiarity so people will think, oh its September 11th, dont kanye west's and 50 cent's albums drop today?" If that is the case, which i hope it is not, that is so utterly disappointing to me. I hope that they had no intent to make money off of the vividness that date brings to Americans. I hope that it was just an open date. I was offended enough at the whole "monumental" thing, but if this is true, then I really think my perspective of these artists will change.

rock of love

Ok, i know i really have been sticking whats happening in entertainment as the subjects for my blogs, but i just cant help myself. Its something i just happen to be very interested in. Well tonight is the newest episode. For those of you who dont watch reality television as much as i do, rock of love is a reality dating show where Bret Michaels, lead singer of the rock band poison, is trying to find his "rock of love"...aka the sluttiest girl who he can call his girlfriend but will still be ok with him hooking up with groupies while hes on tour. Anyway, its down to: Heather-the transvestite, drag queen looking stripper who is very strangely obsessed with with bret in a fatal attraction kind of way (she got bret's name tatooed on the back of her neck after knowing him about ohhh..... 4 or 5 weeks!!). Then theres Jes, my personal favorite who is the cutest and edgy at the same time. She is the only sane one left in the house. She has been my favorite since the beginning. She has a good head on her shoulders. Then there is Lacy- THE SPAWN OF SATAN HIMSELF!!!! She even looks evil. She has bright red hair and quite possibly the most evil smile I have ever seen. She is PSYCHO!!! Since the very begining of the show, she has put all her effort into pissing all the other girls off to where they will do stupid things and be sent home for them. At one point she just rubs up on this girl and talks shit to her hoping she will lose it and hit her, which would be enough to get her expelled from the house. Lacy is enough to get under absolutely anyone's skin. She is enough to make a nun cuss-if you will.

I was quite skeptical of this show in the beginning. I was Such a fan of both of the Flavor of Loves and still watch all the episodes when they run on rerun marathons. This show seemed like it would be a white trashy version, trying to catch a ride on the bus of success that vh1 had going from flavor of love. But once I started watching, I couldnt stop. Once I saw the epidode where there were a bunch of girls in their underwear dancing around on a pole and saying "if we put our boobs together, we can think better", i thought, oh god this is going to be disgusting. But i still couldnt help watching.

Well, girls have come and gone from the house, ones I liked and ones I didnt. Ones who had class, and ones who didnt. Ones who wore clothes, and ones that didn't. Anyway, I am hoping that after tonight, jes is still in the house. Part of me wants to believe that the producers of the show told Bret that he must keep Lacy on for all these weeks bc she makes good tv, which someone who is as evil as her usually does. But if Bret picks Lacy next week on the finale, I have decided to boycott vh1 for some time. This will be very hard for me considering Hogan Knows Best comes on that channel, another one of my favorites. But I am willing to do so if vh1 stoops to this level. SERIOUSLY BRET!!!! i want to believe that you are smart enough to know a manipulative, evil, psycho bitch when you see one!!!

Yell, Scream, Be Heard!!

All families are immensely different. Most families can either be classified as reserved, or in-your-face and loud. Family essentially shapes who you are. They are ultimately the greatest influence in a young person's life. Most people can be classified as loud or reserved. Yes some people fall somewhere between those two classifications, but most people fall under one category of another. This is primarily due to the influence their parents had on them as they grew and matured. My family definitely can be described as loud, obnoxious, and somewhat overbearing. And I have had to come to grips with the fact that my family, being as loud and unruly as they are, have been my primary influence. If most people end up like their parents, then I will probably turn out to be an even more loud, outspoken adult then I already am as a teenager.

Everyone in my family is as loud as can be, within my immediate family as well as my extended family. It has been a means of survival. The people in my family are uninhibited and unembarassed when it comes to noise and volume. You would never be heard in my family if you were quiet. Quickly you come to understand that you must talk over people, as rude as it seems, in order to simply be heard. My dad comes from a family of 8 children, all of whom are now grown and loud and have loud children, some of the children (my cousins) being borderline obnoxious. If you get angry in my family, we hardly ever deal with it rationally, we just tend to yell until someone walks away. Whoever yells the loudest wins the arguement, as twisted and incorrect as that may seem. It's just our means of existence. In my family, you learn at a very young age that if you do not speak loudly, you won't be heard. And for a child's vloice to be heard, you basically have to shout. This is partly due to the fact that everyone has something to say and truly believes what they have to say is more important than what the next person has to say. They never would admit that, but that's essentially what it comes down to.

I can remember feeling embarassed, and sometimes still do, about my family's loudness. I remember people staring at us, or atleast thinking they were. I can remember friends of mine when i was young telling me how loud my family was. You're not embarassed until you are old enough to recegnize that not every family is like yours. In my case, NOBODY I had met was remotely like my family. Thus started my lifelong (so far) embarassment of my family. My dad has this habit of singing very loudly in public. To this day I HATE when he does that. It really irritates the hell out of me. People stare, and I am so embarrassed. And when I ask him to stop, I am always greeted with a wonderfully shameful, "this is who I am, stop trying to make me something I'm not. I'm sorry your father is soo embarassing that you're ashamed of him!" Sense the sarcasm? And then there are other times when I am proud to be in a large, loud family. This is usually when I am with all of my dad's brothers and sisters and their families. There is strength in numbers. When you're part of a large loud group of people, it's not half as embarassing as just being with my immediate family of 4. I actually love being in public with all of my aunts, uncles, and cousins. I love laughing loudly with them and hearing their stories.

I can also remember being very young and going to some of my first overnight stays at my friend's houses. Some of their families were quiet, polite, and hardly ever told jokes. This was somewhat confusing for me. At this point in my life, all I knew was loud, obnoxious, and funny. It made me wonder: Was my family was normal? I wasn't old enough yet to grasp the concept that no families are normal. Even further, I now believe there is no such thing as a normal family, never has been and never will be. But now I believe my family is one of the least normal. I can remember going over to certain individual's houses repeatedly and thinking, "this is a nice escape! It is peaceful, quiet, you don't have to yell to be heard, I kind of like it here!" There were other times that going to these type of households made me so uncomfortable that I wanted to leave and go back to the circus (aka the Mulvihill house). I can remember thinking, "do these people have fun?" I felt like I couldn't be myself, which was one thing I always felt like I could be in my own home.

Where did this loud state of mind come from? I have asked this of myself many times. It didn't take me long to pick up on the fact that my dad was loud because of coming from a loud family of 10 people in one house. He had no other choice if he had any hope of being heard. My mom is one of the loudest on her side of the family, immediate and extended. But I often still wonder: Does the fact that we are Irish have anything to do with it? Irish people are notoriously loud and somewhat obnoxious. Could that have anything to do with it? Maybe this is generational, passed down from the very beginning.

Whatever the reason for it being true, it is true, and always will. My family will always be loud. I often find myself being obnoxious and loud for no apparent or evident reason. I guess when you get right down to it, people really do, in one way or another, strongly take after their parents. It is something I never thought would happen; something I never thought I would have to come to grips with. But here I am, doing just that. I find myself becoming more loud and outspoken as I grow older and continue to grow more into myself. If college is like everyone says and is the time in your life when you figure out who you really are, then I assume that I will become even more outspoken and loud then I already am. Ultimately, I know that the belief that you must yell to be heard and understood is a wrong belief. People should be able to speak in a normal, clear tone and be heard. But the belief makes me think of family, which is something that is anything but wrong.

Changing Scenes

Our Theme: Changing Scenes
Everybody has their reservations about starting college, whether is leaving a familiar home or just having trouble adjusting to a strange new environment. These things are common with almost any starting freshman. I think that most people believe they are truly alone once college begins, but they really don’t know how “together” they are with hundreds of other students that are experiencing identical feelings. In a sense, we’re all together on the fact that we were scared to start college, and have our specific reasons to be doubtful of ourselves and our whole college experience. There are many issues we can discuss about the whole predicament of “starting college,” and most of these issues can apply to any random person.

Reading over our entries, I know that we all share at least one thing in common amongst our group: our families. We’re essentially leaving family behind or growing apart from our families. In high school, our families are there for us to keep an eye on us. Everyone hates having the restrictions of their parents in high school, but now some of us are realizing that they appreciated that sense of security that we get from out parents just being close. One thing to also consider is that our families may include close friends, and even teachers (family is a broad term). These people essentially grew up with us, or again, watched over us during high school. When starting college, we lose these people and have to develop a whole new network of friends and other people to build up a “family” again. The first weeks of college were almost a test to see if students can deal with the emotional pressure of being alone, or less attached to the social infrastructure that lasted them throughout the past four years. It’s amazing to think about how so many people are going through the same things as ourselves. The similarities are there in everyone, and we shouldn’t ignore them.

Another thing that we must consider is the great number of people that are coming out of state and even from surrounding areas to whatever college it may be. These people are experiencing a completely new and strange environment that they’ve never even fathomed before. When considering the effect a new living condition has on a person, you must consider several things. With students out of state, there’s the whole shock of the culture. The University of Memphis is located in the “Mid - South” region of the Southern United States, and thus prides itself as being “Southern.” This brings up stereotypes and assumptions that any person foreign to the region would immediately expect. And also, the people going to the University of Memphis might receive the out of state person with some scrutiny based on projected images on that person’s culture (it’s “culture shock” basically). College campuses are a homogenization of culture from all around the world. It’s a big change for everyone, though admittedly harder for some people more than others.

Our country is made up of many different regions, all varying in their sense of culture, speech, and morals. A silent battle is prominent among two of the larger ones that I’ve lived in: the North and the South. When I moved here two years ago, I was appalled at the culture shock. Southerners were supposed to nice and hospitable. Instead, I was introduced the "Murder Mall," also known as Hickory Ridge Mall. I also always keep a fully-loaded can of mace by my side. But it isn't just the crime in the city; it's the inbreds that live in the suburbs. They talk funny and slow. They ride around in big trucks with Rebel flags and drink cheap beer.

When we first started looking at houses down here, I noticed that nearly every one had a sign within their house that said "This house will serve the Lord," or something like that. It became apparent that we were in the "Bible Belt." I was born and raised Catholic. There are no Catholic churches down here. But it's okay, because I don't really like church anyways. And when I tell people that they usually look at me like I'm going to hell because church is good (at least when you're blinded by your faith it is). The number of churches in Collierville is probably equivalent to the number of bars up there.

I can appreciate a nice, little accent, but the Southern draws have to go. Maybe it is just because everything is in slow motion down here. The other day I was at the Honors Welcome Dinner and my suitemate happened to be at the same table. We were making small talk with the rest of the people at our table when someone asked where I was from and I told them Pittsburgh. My suitemate looked at me and simply said, "Ohhhh, you're from up north so it's an accent. I thought it was just a speech impediment." I didn't know whether it laugh and shrug it off or to give her the death stare.

It just doesn't feel like anyone loves there city. I know it's hard with all of the crime reports, but Memphis really does have a lot to offer. Collierville is Memphis. Cordova is Memphis. Hell, even Munford is Memphis. In Pittsburgh, people took pride in their city. We loved the Steelers and we knew when and where every Wing Night in the city was. It was a melting pot of ethnicities: Italians, Pols, Ukrainians, Irish, and Germans. It was more than black or white. It was the Steel City and it was tough. People didn't come from money; people worked in the steel mills for a living. College probably would have led me to take out tons of student loans (thank God for the lottery scholarship and the University of Memphis one I got). But at least I knew where I had came from and I wasn't trying to leave. I get that vibe that in Memphis people are either leaving or wanting to leave.

Part of the culture shock is learning how to meet new people. It happens anytime one switches places, schools, or towns. Sure, regions have their own sense of identity, but on a smaller scale, that sense of identities can exist within towns, too. Moving is never easy, even if in the end it works out. The transitional period can last a lifetime and one never forgets the memories and friends left behind.

"College is a new step, you're going to love it!" That's what everyone i talked to about college told me. I never really was worried about where to go to college. I applied to 3, visited two, and ended up getting the best feeling at this school. Moving to Memphis ended up being, and continues to be, such an adustment for me. In Franklin, where I'm from, I could go anywhere (the mall, the grocery store, the movies) and see smiling faces of people I knew.
Choosing to come to Memphis not knowing a single person is a decision I'm not quite sure i completely understood I was making. Yes, I had said the words and thought about it somewhat, but it really takes living somewhere to get a feel for the city. When I came to visit, I saw the best Memphis had to offer. I stayed at the Peabody, went to the Grizzlies-Lakers game, ate at the Rendevous, the whole kit and kaboodle. I feel like that impression of Memphis led me to make my decision about the school. Shortly after moving here for school, I realized those things are not Memphis. Yes they are a part of Memphis, but a very minute part. I simply hadn't prepared myself for what was in store.

I am somewhat spoiled coming from the town I lived in. Franklin is beautiful, there is no crime, I always left my car unlocked everywhere I went, and people were beyond friendly. I was shocked when the first night after I moved here I met these 2 guys who were carrying guns and acted like it was an everyday thing to do. I don't think after over 10 years of living there I knew of one person from Franklin who carried a gun and on the first night in Memphis I met not one, but two. They acted like you must carry some sort of protection because anything could happen. This concept was too much for my sheltered mind to comprehend.
Needless to say, this was not a good first impression of Memphis. The city seems to be full of culture and city life, but I don't know how to find any of that yet. And even if I did know how to, I wouldn't really know how to get involved. This is all a result of not knowing anyone or knowing anything about the city. The farthest I have ever moved is from Nashville to Franklin, which is all of about 25 miles. Now I am three and a half hours away from home. Sometimes I ask myself, what was I thinking?? Realizing that this is what is best for me is also a concept that is very hard for me to grasp at this present moment. I keep having to tell myself that millions of college students have done this before and survived.

Survival is the key word though. Learning how to make it on your own. That seems to be the biggest problem I keep running into. I grew up the last of five, so I was always used to having my brothers and sister there to help me. At school, everyone knew I was a Fehrenbach, and most of the kids either knew me, or the older kids had known my sister, which in turn led to knowing me. I had a person to go to for everything. I could call my sister if I wanted to check out, call my brother when I needed a ride, my teacher to come open the back door when I got to school late because “my alarm didn’t go off”. I had my life set, if I ever slipped up there was always someone there to help me hide my mess and move on from it.
Here, there’s nothing like that. I’m starting over, completely starting over. No friends, no teachers, no family who is here to help me. Sure I can pick up my cell phone, but a cell phone can’t hug me when I’m upset. A cell phone can’t come get me when I’m feeling too sick to get out of bed. A cell phone can’t even show me those people; all I have is their voice to listen too and a picture frame to stare at. I compare moving to college like learning how to swim. People who go to school not that far from their homes and their families are the kids who get swimming lessons with arm floaties on. They have people there to guide them through their first couple of rough waves. Myself, I’m the kid who is thrown into the pool with nothing on. It’s sink or swim. And, although I can cry for help, it takes much longer for someone to come help me, because I don’t know who to call down here. I can have people yell tips of what to do, but no one can jump in and show me what to do. And although most the time I feel like I’m sinking further and further, I’m fighting harder and harder to keep myself afloat. I’m trying so hard to catch up to those kids with the arm floaties. I’m trying so hard to make life what it was like back home, or at least somewhat like it was.

It’s hard to picture that everyone is going through the exact same thing. You don’t realize that a huge part of life is changing scenes and leaving old ones behind, and when it does happen you feel alone. Part of the confusion is everyone reacting differently to new environment. But we’re slowly realizing that just like we’ve adjusted before we’ll adjust again.

freewrite

Everyone in my family is as loud as can be, within my immediate family was well as extended family. It's almost a means of survival. The people in my family are uninhibited and unembarassed when it comes to noise and volume. You would never be heard in my family if you were quiet because qucikly you come to understand that you must talk over people, as rude as it seems, in order to simply be heard. My dad comes from a family of 8 children, all of whom are now grown and loud and have loud children, some of the children (my cousins) being borderline obnoxious. If you get angry in my family, we hardly ever deal with it rationally, we just yell at eachother pretty much. Whoever yells the loudest wins the arguement, as twisted and incorrect as that may seem. It's just our means of existence. In my family, you learn at a very young age that if you do not speak loudly, you won't be heard. And for a child's vloice to be heard, you basically have to shout. This is partly due to the fact that everyone has something to say and truly believes what they have to say is more important than what the next person has to say. They never would admit that, but that's essentially what it comes down to. I can remember feeling embarassed, and sometimes still do, about my family's loudness. I remember people staring at us, or atleast thinking they were. I can remember friends of mine when i was young telling me how loud my family was. You're not embarassed until you are old enough to recegnize that not every family is like yours. In my case, NOBODY I had met was remotely like my family. Thus started my lifelong (so far) embarassment of my family. My dad has this habit of singing very loudly in public. To this day I HATE when he does that. It really irritates the hell out of me. People stare, and I am so embarrassed. And when I ask him to stop, I am always greeted with a wonderfully shameful, "this is who I am, stop trying to make me something I'm not. I'm sorry your father is soo embarassing that you're ashamed of him!" Sense the sarcasm?? And then there are other times when I am proud to be in a large, loud family. This is usually when I am with all of my dad's brothers and sisters and their families. There are strength in numbers. When you're part of a large loud group of people, it's not half as embarassing as being with my immediate family of 4. I actually love being in public with all of them. I love laughing loud with them, hearing them tell stories, the whole bit.

I can also remember being very young and going to some of my first spend the night's at my friend's house. Their family was quiet, polite, and hardly ever told jokes. This was somewhat confusing. At this point in my life, all I knew was loud, obnoxious, and funny. It made me wonder if my family was normal, or if they were normal, as any small child would. I wasn't old enough yet to grasp the concept that no families are normal. But now I believe my family is one of the least normal. I can remember going over to certain individual's houses repeatedly and thinking, "this is a nice escape! It is peaceful, quiet, you don't have to yell to be heard, I kind of like it here!" There were other times that going to these type of households made me so uncomfortable that I wanted to leave and go back to the circus aka the Mulvihill house. I can remember thinking, "do these people have fun?"

Where did this come from? I asked myself. It didn't take me long to pick up on the fact that my dad was loud because being from a loud family of 10 people in one house, he had no other choice if he had any hope of being heard. My mom is one of the loudest in her family, immediate and extended. But I often still wonder: Does the fact that we are Irish have anything to do with it? Irish people are notoriously loud and somewhat obnoxious. Could that have anything to do with it? Maybe this is generational and from the very begining, the Mulvihills have been notoriously loud people.

So I chose to write on the belief that you have to yell in o rder to get your point across. I was pretty much brought up to believe this, in one way or another.

-Everyone in my family is very very loud-I feel embarassed at times, and proud at times depending on the setting, this was infulencing, exaggerated, scary at times, at times i felt sad, at times I felt like I had done something wrong when I hadn't

-Going to other People's houses-uncomfortable, confused, made me think about how loud my family actually is, sometimes made me want to go home, sometimes made me want to stay, sometimes made me feel at peace and calm, good escape, made me wonder if the way my house was run was normal

-Wondering if it's an Irish thing-Sensing that I needed to have an explanation for why my family is loud, wondering about my heritage and if it had anything to do with why my family expresses themselves the way they do

significants

Significant Event-Getting my pony Jet for my 8th birthday
-Him escaping out the fence while I was riding him
-Going to horse shows
-Getting rid of him because I had outgrown him and having to get a bigger horse

Significant Person-My Nephew Hayden
-Finding out my sister was pregnant, and then finding out he was a "he"
-Going to the hospital when he was born and holding him for the 1st time
-Spending the whole summer nannying him and really getting to know him

Significant Belief-You have to yell to get your point across, whether it be out of anger or just to be heard
-Everyone in my family yelling and shouting at one another
-Going to other people's houses who have quiet families and wondering if they were normal or if my family was normal
-Wondering if it's just an Irish thing

big bills for your nine mil?

Please tell me someone has seen the commercial where the lady is urging high school students to turn in their guns at school and they will pay them????? Are you kidding me?? Ok im not from around here, is the Memphis scool system really that bad?? And if it is, why don't ya'll just have metal detectors at the entrance like other schools that have problems like this? Are the schools really that dangerous that they must bribe students with cash so that they won't carry their gun to school?? That is such a foreign concept to me. Yes, i understand i'm not in Franklin anymore, but this is not what i am used to at all. The most i ever heard of at the nearest public high school to me (which i was never allowed to attend mind you. Public schools=corruption hahaha) was some kid streaking at a basketball pep rally. If someone ever was caught with a gun in school, it would be headline news.

I don't think i agree with this at all. How much money are they giving out to these students? And that money, i assume is taxpayer's money. What do they think the students will go out and do with the money? If you ask me, give any student who is rebelious enough to bring a gun to school some money, and he will spend it on something else that is dangerous, maybe even a nicer gun. I simply think that if the school system is that worried about students bringing guns to school, they should take further measures to safen their schools. Install metal detectors in the lockers, have random locker checks, anything other than this program which is basically supporting their behavior. What they are essentially saying is "hey, bring your gun to school and we'll pay you for it" when they should be saying, "hey, if you bring a gun to school, you'll be expelled from school and arrested."

4 more days!!!

Ok, i never thought i would be saying this, but on friday my family is coming in town and i absolutely can't wait to see them. Well, actually my boyfriend is coming too which is a major part of why i am excited as well. But i really was under the impression that i would get to college and you know, call my parents once in a while, maybe go home every other month or so, not really ever think about them. Oh no, it is the exact opposite. I probably talk to my mom on the phone 3 times a day, i think about this weekend about 4 times an hour, and i miss home so much more than i thought i would

Yes, i like it here. I have made some friends and don't get me wrong, the freedom is great. I dont have to be in at one, i dont have to keep my room clean, and really dont answer to anyone when it comes to how i decide to live my life. But i still miss them immensely. My older sister who is 16 years older than i am said, "oh college is great. I got there and everyone was crying and homesick and i was like what are ya'll crying about? This is great!! I was never homesick." And here i am, "Mommy, daddy, i miss you so much (tear, tear, sniffle) I can't wait to see you this weekend!!" Kinda embarassing, i must say.

The reason they are coming in town is because my high school alma mater is playing a local memphis school in football friday night. (ECS, or something??) My boyfriend and younger brother both still attend my old school, the boyfriend plays football. I really am about to just like jump for joy about this whole weekend and i feel like a complete nerd for it. In college, youre supposed to be so excited for parties and living it up. And what am i excited about?? thats right, my parents coming in town?? Embarassing, and utterly dorky

The virgin suicides: like what??

ok so last night i rented and watched the Virgin Suicides, the 2000 film written and directed by Sofia Coppolla, a director i trust and (usually) like her work. A friend of mine reccomended this movie to me a long time ago, calling it one of her favorite movies. Plus i still had a good taste in my mouth from the last Sofia Coppolla movie i saw, Marie Antoinette, which i thought was breathtaking, wonderful, the whole bit. So i thought i would give this Virgin Suicides a shot. Slow moving, and artsy like Coppollas other movies, this movie just flat out confused me. I didnt know, and still dont, what exactly she was trying to say to me. To me it was just five blond sisters who lead a happy life, except for the fact that they have insanely strict parents who dont let them do anything. Then they all kill themselves?? It was all also so anti-climactic and didn't have anything to say, in my opinion. I just really didnt get it. If anybody else has seen it and wants to discuss or clear it all up for me, that would be excellent. Was it symbolic of something else?? im so confused........

BRITNEY SPEARS TONIGHT!!!

I can hardly wait til tonight!!! it is the mtv music awards and Britney Spears is performing!!! I wouldnt even consider myself a fan. Well, yes i loved me some hit me baby one more time and crazy back in the day. Come on, they were pre-teen anthems!! But i dont think i own, or ever owned one of her albums. And ever since the whole make out session with madonna at the vma's a few years back, my perception of her has gone from bad to worse. I think shes somewhat of a train wreck at the moment. 1st she was married to a high school friend for a whopping 22 hours before getting it annulled. But she did manage to stay married to her 2nd husband, kevin federline, also known as kfed, for almost a year i think?? impressive britney!! And out of that marraige came two bouncing baby boys, sean-preston, and jayden james.

Following their births came a string of bizarre events including britney holding sean-preston in the front seat of her car, almost dropping him on the street pavement, buckling his car seat in the wrong way, and most recently holding jayden james and her pack of marbolo lights in the same hand. Of course the paparazzi was there to document every second. And forget the kids. Britney gets into enough trouble on her own. Whether it be her not wearing panties and spreading her legs for the world to see her goodies while getting out of her car. Or you could take her rumored in-and-out relationship with drug rehab. Or the shaving her head incident. Or the world watching as she attacked a paparazzi photographer's car with an umbrella. To make a long story short, she has a lot of things to bounce back from. Tonight could be her chance!!
If you ask me, her last song that wasn't complete bull was toxic. Great song, great video. Everything since then was really pitiful. Her My Perogative cover was less than amusing. Her B Remixes album sold about 2 copies worldwide. Needless to say, her recent career moves have been.....interesting. Not interesting, just plain bad. Recently she has been photographed with a one, Criss Angel, a tv magician with psycho bad hair. Anyway, there was speculation that the two of them were dating, but Brit quickly cleared up that they are actually working together on her mtv music awards performance which she said they are collaborating on. Well, no one believed her, but it actually turned out to be true!! Tonight she is supposed to be appearing and reappearing during her act, an Angel touch.

Tonight, Britney really needs to perform her best if she has any hope at a comeback career. Critics are already calling her new album garbage. I heard a radio dj on a memphis area radio station bashing the album while playing clips from it. Ohhh so cheesy, Britney what were you thinking?? And I recently saw photographs in a tabloid that were pics of her shooting her newest video, which also looked equally horrible. But i still can't hardly wait for what Britney has in store for tonight!! I'm guessing she will be wearing a wig, and something stripperish, if she holds to her style she has had for her previous awards show performances. I really want her to do well, and have a killer comeback career. I'm rooting for her!! i would love to see her clean up her act and have the same success she did way back when.... tune in tonight to see how it goes!!

Wanda Sykes Interview

You've probably seen the comedian Wanda Sykes in the movie Monster in Law, heard her voice as the skunk in the movie Over the Hedge, or seen her stand-up routine on a number of television stations. Reading an interview with her was new to me. I chose to read this article/interview because I have seen some of her movies, seen her routine on tv, and have for the most part enjoyed her work. I would call myself somewhat of a fan. I knew I would be interested in this interview when the first of about 5 headlines contained in the article was entitled "The Unwanted Children Grow up to Be Assholes". Intriguing, i thought. As I read I learned she was talking about the fact that she has no desire to have children and the reaction she gets from people when she states that fact out loud to them. I guess that caught me by surprise too. For some reason, in America we think that if you are blessed with the female parts needed to concieve, carry, and bring a child into this world, then why wouldn't you? My brother and his wife have chosen not to have children, and have gotten the same reaction from people. "Why on earth would you not want to have children?" And I find myself asking the same question. I guess myself and most other people take the statement "I don't want children" as "I don't like children", which sounds harsh, almost cruel in a sense.

Sykes also discussed the reaction she has recieved from critics regarding the roles she has accepted to play. It was brought up in the interview that some critics took issue with the fact that she was offered the part, and was cast as the role of a white woman's assistant. Sykes quoted Chris Rock who said, "Jim Carrey just gets to be Jim Carrey, he's not responsible to represent white America." Her frustration seemed evident. I thought, anybody could play an assistant. White, black, hispanic, asian, who really cares?? I think when we bring up the whole, "oh black people shouldn't play these parts or white people shouldn't play these parts, or these people shouldn't do this or that," we're taking steps backward. The wrong direction. Let anyone choose what part he or she wants to play. If Wanda Sykes was offended by being offered an assistant role, she wouldn't have taken it. I'm sure the role was offered to white people as well. She, and every other actor, should get to play whatever part she chooses to play without people telling her why she shouldn't. That is her decision.

Sykes worked for the National Security Agency for 5 years. Quite a step from the NSA to comedy. She said what made her choose to change was how whenever she had any time off, even a couple hours, she took it right when she got it. Her co-workers were saving up their time for a vacation and she would leave the moment she got even an hour. She had been doing stand up here and there, something that made her very happy. She brought up the fact that we are raised to go to school, go to college, get a job and stay there. From a very young age we are asked, "what do you want to be when you grow up?" Uta Hagen, a legendary theatre actress said, "If you can quit, you should." How true. If you can walk away from anything without regrets, go for it, by all means. To be utterly cliche, life is too short to be doing something that you can't stand, or even don't love. I find myself doing things I don't like all the time, should i just quit it all? I don't want to be a quitter. And at the same time, there are things, like school that i don't necessarily always like, but I know I am bettering myself and that it will help me immensely in the long run, so I stick with it. So i guess I agree and disagree. It depends on the situation-as much of a cop out as that is, it's how I feel.