Christmas is approaching!!!

we are approaching the most wonderful time of the year!! Christmas!! I really can't tell you how much I love Christmas. I always have! And I find it very appropriate to write this, as tommorow is the first day of december, the beginning of the Christmas holidays. I love christmas trees, lights, decorations, buying and giving gifts, the food, the spirit, and the joy christmas brings to everyone. Some people let the stress of Christmas get the best of them. They need to just relax! Christmas is a time to enjoy yourself, lay back, and kick it with family and friends! Not worry yourself into a tizzy! My family gets into christmas waaaaay big! My dad decorates the outside of our house. This process usually involves lots of yelling and screaming. And the house, though my dad thinks it looks "spectacular", it really looks like the grizwald's house. When I last went home, I found two random light up polar bears in our front yard. They looked sooo tacky, i just had to laugh. Of course when I asked about them, my mom answered me with "Oh, I got them on sale." My dad loves those huge glass bulb lights. Completely out of date!! Those look like something out of a 70's Christmas movie! Then he mixes in the smaller, grid multi-colors, just in case the house didn't look ridiculous enough. Throw in some wreathes and you've got a very white trash christmas. My mom decorates the inside with those porcelin houses that light up from the inside. She calls it her "snow village." It actually looks really pretty. Does anyone remember those advent calendars where you open up the doors and there is a piece of chocolate behind each door? We always had those, and I really miss them! I might have to buy one and put it on the wall in my dorm room. I can't wait to get back to Nashville so I can go to Opryland hotel! For those of you who don't know what that is, it is the largest hotel in the nation that doesn't have a casino inside. And that hotel is decorated floor to ceiling come christmas time! Walking through that place is like a Winter Wonderland! This year for Christmas, I am asking for a pink digital camera, money, giftcards and clothes, I need more ideas on what to ask for!!

stolen idea from daniel: I guess this title is my works cited in a way

Shout out to daniel for the idea!! I'm gonna really miss this class a lot! This was the only class that I have felt like I know something about everyone in the class. It was really great getting to be around a bunch of intellectual people twice a week. (oh god please tell me i spelled intellectual right, that would just be sad if i misspelled that word). I loved having wendy as a teacher! I found everyone in the class, Wendy included, very interesting and respected everyone's opinion. This is big for me because I usually struggle with relating to people with different ideas/lifestyles than my own. I have made friends in this class and will miss every one in their own way. This class is the first honors class I have ever taken! You honors people are smart!! I'm impressed! I got to know so many of you and it's going to be strange not seeing all you guys twice every week!

so i just got back from lunch with my dad. He called me about a week ago and said he would be in the area and wanted to get lunch. He is in the travel business and so I figured he had a meeting to go to in Memphis or something. He said to meet him at cracker barrel in exit 12. So i go to cracker barrel, got a table, and waited for my dad. The next thing I know, the guy at the table next to me said "oh look! a tour bus." I turned around and there is my dad on the loud speaker inside the bus. He is a tour operator and puts iteneraries together and runs large groups' trips. Mostly school groups and senior citizen groups. I just had a hinch that inside the bus were a bunch of geezers. I was absolutely correct. After my dad got off the bus, he was followed by close to 40 people between the ages of about 60-80. He didnt even tell me he was going to have a group with him! It turns out that they were on their way back from 4 days in Branson, Missouri. My dad takes groups to Branson a lot on account of it is geezer central. All that's there is a lot of old people shows and like museums and stuff. My dad said that they went to a show where their bus was one of 43 tour buses full of senior citizens! That's a ton of old people! I, myself am a little scared of old people. I really dont know why, and I shouldn't be since my dad is so good with them. My dad and I sat at a table with the bus driver, who kept starring at me and after lunch said right in front of me "Meg has beautiful eyes, I got lost in them sitting across from her." I couldn't really tell if he was just being a sweet old man, or if it was kinda wierd. I kinda got a wierd vibe from him though. I really hate cracker barrel, is one of my least favorite restaurants. I am beginning to think that I maybe just don't like southern style food so much. I had grilled chicken and fried okra, it was alright. My dad kept introducing me to different people in the group saying, "Oh you gotta meet this person" or "I really want to introduce you to this person." I just smiled and laughed at their jokes, it wasn't too hard. It was very good getting to see my dad and talk to him about what was going on at school and I got to ask him what was up back home.

Here's the Deal About Richardson Towers

ok, so last night i walked in to my dorm after my night class to find my roommate sitting on her bed starring at the ceiling. She continued to whisper, almost eerily, "Meg, there's a bug in the corner of the ceiling." I look in the corner, and low and behold, there was a sizeable roach right in the corner of the ceiling above her bed. She was visably shooken up, as was I when I was informed of the predicament. Both of us are complete wooses and kept trying to talk the other one into killing the little creature. It was decided that it was only fair that she kill the critter since it was on her side of the room and above her bed. At this point, both of us were terrified. The bug wasnt moving, and we weren't sure if it was dead or alive. I could only think about what would happen if we didnt kill it. It could crawl over to my side, and crawl over my face while I was sleeping. There was no way I was even going to let that be a possibility. Mel, my roommate, decided to film the ordeal of her killing the bug and post it on facebook. So it was the moment, or many many moments, of truth. Melissa was going to send that critter to its maker! This was it for that sick, disgusting creature! Armed with a shoe, Melissa stood on her bed facing the roach. My job was to watch, move the computer to where the web cam could pick up every bit of the action, and to motivate Mel in her efforts. The video ended up being seven minutes long. I just kept saying "I'm so sorry you have to go through this melissa, you can do it!" Melissa kept explaining that it wasn't necessarily killing the bug that she was afraid of, it was how close she had to be to the roach in order to kill it. She was also very afraid of the fact that if she smacked the bug with the shoe and it fell, it would fall directly onto her bed, and no one wants bugs in their bed. She also didnt want it to escape away to where we would never find it again. We couldnt bear to think about living among roaches, the most disgusting of bugs. As she got closer, she could see the tentacles coming out of the face of the roach. This was deeply disturbing obviously. After much coaching, encouraging, and motivating, Melissa succeeded in finding the courage to kill the forsaken bug. After flushing the roach, Melissa and I (even though I did basically nothing) both felt an overwhelming sense of accomplishment. I was so proud of her, as silly as it sounds. So anyway-there are roaches in richardson towers!!!! Be on the look out residents!! THey're large and disgustng and really creepy. I really want to talk to the people downstairs or the maintance men or something and inform them not only of this problem, but my extreme dissatisfaction with this problem. I'm loaded for bear about this, and am ready to chew someone out!

Reality Show Update

ok so here's the deal....I am obsessed with reality tv. Just about every reality show curently on television I really like. I must say my favorites at the moment are I Love New York, Keeping Up With the Kardashians, the Hills, and A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila. I also really love the Real Housewives of Orange County, but sadly we dont recieve Bravo in the dorms. Anyway, call me shallow, or call me a "goober" like my dad does for watching these shows, I dont care-I still will watch them. You can even tell me they are scripted, as many people do. The truth is, even if I knew 100% that these shows were scripted, I probably would still watch them. I am beginning to think that The Hills, one of my favorites, really is scripted, and I really couldn't care less! Here's what is currently going on on these favorite shows of mine.

So last night was I Love New York 2. Watching this show has been part of my Monday night routine since the show aired. I LOVED Midget Mac, and sadly, he was eliminated a few weeks ago. He really was my favorite. He made me wonder whether or not I would ever date a little person, and I came to the conclusion that I would have dated him. Anyway, Midget Mac's elimination is old news-I'm just still having withdrawl symptoms. Last night Mr. Wise was eliminated. (For those of you who either live in a hole, or are pop culturally not so "with it" on the first episode of I Love New York, she always gives the guys nicknames and calls them that for the rest of the show.) It was no surprise that Mr. Wise was eliminated. He was WAY too quiet for New York. And he still had strong feelings for his ex. Here is my prediction on who will win: Tailor Made. I know this is unfortunate. This guy is such a pussy. All he does is kiss New York's ass the entire time. The reason why I think he is going to win is because New York wants a man who will be her little bitch. She even came out and said that word for word last night. I don't think any of the other guys are going to let her be the more dominant, "boss" if you will, in the relationship. The guy I wish would win would have to be Punk. This guy is the whole package. He's got a great body, he's a graduate of Harvard Law and a practicing attorney, and he's sweet. His only downfalls-bad hair and a horribly annoying Northern accent. Also shout out to Buddha who has to be the hottest guy on the show. Really,I dont even know why I am making predictions though. Who knows who she'll pick? Girl is crazy! But hey, thats what makes the show soooo good!

Next on my list is Keeping Up With the Kardashians, a show that follows the family of Kim Kardashian, a socialite who literally is famous for making a sex tape with Ray J, and having the fattest ass you have ever seen on a white girl. Its kinda hilarious what you can be famous for these days. For this reason, I was skeptical of this show at first. But after watching these first few episodes, I really have started to like it. The family consists of Kim and her 2 sisters, brother, and 2 half sisters. Her mother ,Chris, is married to former golf pro Bruce Jenner, who just so happens to be Hills star Brody Jenner's father. Chris is also Kim' "Momager". I really have no idea what kind of jobs she gets booked for considering she is not an actress or model. But i guess giant asses get jobs these days. She did pose for playboy in a recent episode. Recently the 3 incredibly spoiled older girls got a random homeless man off the streets and fixed him up. THey cut his hair, shaved his scruff, and bought him some new clothes. All of the sudden they thought they were changed people. Kinda silly, but who am to judge. Perhaps it was the religious experience they made it out to be. Overall, this is a great show if you're like me and like to watch horribly spoiled people get whatever they want, while you sit there lusting and salivating at thier designer duds and incredible cribs, cars and lifestyle.

Next is The Hills. This show follows some young 20 somethings trying their hand at life in LA, as opposed to Laguna Beach, where they grew up and had a previous reality show. As of right now, Lauren and Heidi are in a huge feud over some bull about a sex tape with Lauren and then boyfriend Jason Wahler. This feud has destroyed the girls friendship and forced viewers to pick sides. I now am officially apart of team heidi. It wasnt even Heidi that started the rumors-it was Spencer her boyfriend, who by the way is a dude with some serious issues and he doesnt deserve Heidi at all. Well Heidi has tried and tried to make up with Lauren, each and every time ending with Lauren saying to Heidi that she either has to confess or Lauren doesnt want to speak to her. Heidi isnt going to admit to something she hasnt done, but Lauren wont even do her the courtesy of listening to her side. Lauren is being a bitch about the whole situation. Anyway, highlights of last episode: Spencer's sister runs into Lauren and crew at a club and things get heated, Audrina-Lauren's roommate-and the notorious "Justin Bobby" FINALLY call it quits YEAAA AUDRINA!!!!!, and Heidi and Spencer fight over wedding plans. Tune in next week for more (perhaps fake) drama between the cast members, especially between Heidi and Spencer.

Lastly, we have A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila. This is a dating show about a bisexual myspace music star. Check out her song "I ain't Trying to F#*% Your Man". It will have you laughing all the way through. Anyway, this show started out with 16 straight guys, and 16 lesbians, each week eliminating one from each gender group. After tonight we are down to 3: Bobby, the tall girl who I'm blocking out on her name, and my favorite, Dani!! This week the contestants took Tila home to meet their parents. Some families were open to the whole bisexual thing, others werent as much. Bobby's mother wasnt too amused by Tila's very open sexuality and inappropriate behavior at the dinner table. The family of the tall blonde girl were really cool about everything, as was dani's family. The other guy, Ryan, had very traditional parents who were a little shocked by the whole thing, and he was eliminated. Highlights from this epidsode were: Ryan making out with Tila while "giving her a tour of his house", Tila meeting tall blonde's special needs brothers and sisters, Bobby's mom flipping out a little, and Tila giving Dani's grandmother a lap dance.

Thanks for letting me ramp and rave!!

Pimp-Gotta Go Both Ways

Okay, I am SOOO over guys calling eachother pimps when they hook up with a lot of girls. This has been an ongoing discussion between me and my boyfriend, who talks about guys who get lots of girls like they are gods. Every time we talk about one of his boys who gets his, z, my boyfriend always says something along the lines of "dude is pimpin" or "so and so is a pimp". But whenever I say one of my friends, or any girl really, hooked up with someone, or really gets around, his response is "she's a little slut" or whore or anything along those lines. Definitley names with negative connotations. But when guys do the EXACT SAME THING, they are pimps or names with posotive connotations. And i especially hate, HATE when he sees one of his boys that I guess hooked up with a girl the night before, and he gives them that stupid little handshake they do. I just wanna jump up, break the handshake apart and chew them both out. I really dont have anything against people hooking up. Really, i dont. I think at this age people are capable of making their own decisions and facing the consequences. What I am against is the double standards in this area between men and women. If it is great and honorable when guys get theirs, then it is great and honorable when women get theirs as well. It's only fair that way. I told my boyfriend that from now on, he wont use either word in front of me unless he can learn to use either positive, or negative connotated words for both girls or guys. He said that's just how it is. Thats how it has always been, guys are supposed to get it from a lot of girls because thats just how guys work. And I guess girls are just supposed to bear the brunt of the name calling and not supposed to stick up for themselves. I told him, if that is the case, then i am going to do my best to change our culture in this area. It is messed up, hypocritical, and anti-women if you choose to call girls sluts and whores, but keep on worshipping the males who hook up with all the girls. So we gotta come up with a positive name for girls who get around, or we gotta come up with a negative name for guys who get theirs. It's only fair people.

Column A and B comparisons (ish)

BOYFRIEND IS LIKE TRASHY PEOPLE

Trashy people are judeged by others. WHat really makes a person trashy? Perhaps the clothes they wear? The way they talk? Yes, there are some people who most of America would think are trashy, but I would say most of the people I consider to be trashy, many people would disagree with me on. It's up in the air with most people. So I guess the conclusion I am coming to is people judge others and label them as trashy. People make assumptions as to how someone lives their life when they label them as trashy. Same goes with boyfriends. Girls are sometimes judged by their arm candy. I am as guilty as anyone. I look at the guy a girl is holding hands with walking through the mall or on campus or anywhere and often times I think to myself "what is she doing with him?" or "what is he doing with her?" Maybe he/she is really good in the sack. Maybe he/she is really sweet. Maybe he/she just really clicks with their mate. What could it be? It doesn't really matter because I'm probably still gonna keep on judging them.

INTERPRETIVE CONCLUSION ON COLUMN A

I would say that this person relies on relationships for stability. This person values their relationship with God, family, and friends above everything else. Spending time with these people is what this person feeds off of. They need these people to be happy. This person has vaules and appreciates other people with values, especially those with values similar to her own. This person enjoys rest and relaxation and maybe has some trouble getting motivated to do things that she doesn't necessarily want to. This person loves going away on vacation and the feeling of escape. She enjoys the finer things in life, but realizes that most of it is not realistic. This person seems to a fairly typical young adult growing up and finding out who she is away from where she grew up.

FEAR CAUSES WAKING UP EARLY

Many a time I have woken up very early in the morning due to being terribly frightened. I have horrible dreams sometimes and they often are so real that I can even feel my heart beating fast because I am so frightened. Often times dreams have elements that are too extravagant or strange for our minds to confuse with reality, but mine are horrificly real. I have real emotions in my dreams. The most memorable emotion being fear. Often times I think to myself in my dreams, "Oh shit, I'm gonna die." Other times it's "Oh shit, why am I at school naked? No one else is naked and everyone is laughing at me!" Both ways, the fear of what is happening is more than I can handle, so I wake up, often times very early.

3rd element for "the rake"

When i think of a mom-and-pop store, i think of the CY market that used to be close to my house. It was sadly put out of business by the food lion across the street and Publix and Kroger a few miles down. It was in a run down, old looking wooden shopping center which is still there. Very antique like. The CY Market had the best slurpies around. You could also get any candy bar known to man, a soda, or a snack. I think its sad how mom-and-pop stores can barely stay open thanks to giant corporations such as walmart and kroger.

There is a coffee shop in Nashville called Cafe Cocoa and it is owned by a couple and isn't a chain or franchise. Starbucks is about to put them out of business. There is a Starbucks around every corner in Nashville, as there is in every other city. And to compensate for the business they lose to Starbucks, their prices must be risen, and Lord knows coffee at Starbucks is already expensive as it is. How will places like Cafe Cocoa stay open unless locals choose to give it their business despite location and price? It seems nearly impossible. But I know people who try. My high school English teacher tries his hardest to support all the mom-n-pop stores in the area that he remembers from his days growing up in Nashville that are still around. But he makes private high school teacher's money and has 3 kids. How will he afford it? That 50 cents more you spend on a latte at cafe cocoa every morning starts to add up. I guess its a corporate world.

It seems that sooner or later mom-n-pop stores will become a thing of the past. But some make it. Some even do so well that they become chains, building more shops and restaurants around town, or around the country. Maybe it is about the product having to be supreme to the other places. There is a woman named Barbara, who lives in my hometown of Franklin, who has opened a Southern home cooking restaurant our of her own home. She gets more business than she can handle! Her food may be more expensive than cracker barrel, but it is so good that people keep coming back for more. What sets her apart? Excellence? I've seen excellent businesses go down the drain. Location? Maybe. She does run her business out of Franklin, where most people can afford a nice Sunday afternoon meal every week. Most people more often than that. But I'm sure there are businesses in the hood that are considered "mom and pop" businesses and thrive as well.

I think personality has a lot to do with it. Who wants to go into Walmart when you could go into a cute little southern decorated market and be greeted with a, "Hey there! How ya'll doing?" When was the last time you heard that when you walked into Kroger?

3rd element for "the rake"

2nd Element for "The Rake"

I cant think of a worse feeling than helplessness. Utter helplessness. Really, when you have no hope at all, no help at all, what do you have? I guess hopelessness and helplessness go hand in hand because if you don't have help, you tend to lose all hope. Both feelings are a lack of something vital. You always need help, especially in adolescence. To be young and feel helpless is something I cant even imagine. It's almost as though you cant feel helpless if you have a good support system at home. When your support system constantly fails you, that is when you feel helpless. And when you're young, your strongest support system should be, and usually is, your parents.

I know if my family was to fail me and treat me like the author's family treated him, I would feel helpless too. It would make me so bitter; towards my family, towards everyone. If I was being physically and verbally abused daily, I know I would feel helpless as well. If my mom didn't stand up for me when my stepfather (if i had one) stared to abuse me or my sister, I would feel helpless, like there was no way out of the hell I was living in. If your own mother won't help you, then who will?

1st element of "The Rake"

I was most disturbed astonished by the hairbrush scene. It is so vivid in my mind how the situation played out. To me, child abuse is something especially hard for me to handle, or even think about, and has been so ever since i can remember. It is harder for me to witness than even someone being murdered or raped. (I'm talking about in movies/tv mostly since I don't think i have ever seen any of these things first hand). Child abuse has always been very heavy on my heart. Im not really sure why, considering i had a lovely childhood-free of abuse of any kind.

The hairbrush scene with the mother, grandfather, and stepfather was the most powerful, and most awful scene in the essay. The innocent child walking into what is already a very unstable enviroment, with the mother sobbing on the floor and the stepfather and grandfather intensely arguing, is ended horribly bu the boy being hit in the face with a hairbrush by his abusive stepfather. My heart aches just envisioning this event. How could anyone do that to an innocent child? All it does is instill fear into the child and teach them to live in fear. A home is supposed to be a safe haven, not a place where you fear for your safety. Parents are supposed to love and care for their children, not smack them around

On Sunday night my roommate and I got back to our dorm at The University of Memphis from a trip back home to Nashville. While sitting in our room watching television, we heard lots and lots of sirens, but we didn’t think much about it. We here sirens like this just about every night of the week and they always sound like they are right outside our dorm building. I even said, “There’s Memphis for you.” Mind you, this impression of the city comes only after a very short month of living here. When I woke up the next morning, I put two and two together and realized that those sirens were from the police cars and ambulances that came to the scene of Taylor Bradford’s murder. Needless to say, this tragedy did nothing for us when it comes to what we think of the city/university. I myself have never even heard a gun shot outside of a shooting range. When I talked to fellow classmates of mine, almost all who are from Memphis, all of them said hearing gun shots is not a rare occurrence here. I was startled at that fact
Out of about 6 or so weeks that I have lived here, I have gone home about 3 or 4 of the weekends. Yes I miss my family and loved ones, but another reason is my family never hesitates to let me come home. They would much rather me come home then go out at night anywhere in Memphis where they feel my life could be in danger. The recent tragedy on campus had all of my family in a frenzy. They even wanted me to come home and get away from the campus on Monday for fear of what might happen. The fact that they called and the first thing they asked me was, “are you alright?” was something I was not used to whatsoever. I could hear the genuine concern in their voices. They were truly worried something had happened to me, something I am not sure they have ever felt before. And even after they knew I was alright, they continued to call and make sure that I was feeling fine, safe, and secure-something, if you ask me, no college student should have to wonder about. Those should be rights as a college student. We are paying money to feel these things with confidence, and now that confidence has been taken from us. Actually, that is something citizens everywhere should have a right to, college student, billionaire, or homeless person. I do understand that that is not exactly how the world works, but this is something we need to constantly be striving for. I’m not sure that is what has been done thus far.
It is up to people like you to really make changes like these. I encourage, ask, and beg of you to find ways to make Memphis a better, safer city. Not just for me, not just for the Bradford family, not just for all the students at The University of Memphis, but for every man or woman, poor or rich that are residents of this city. Safety should be the number one priority of a city. If you don’t have safety in your city, then what do you have? Yes, I have only been in this city a little over a month, but I think you will agree with me in my skepticism of Memphis’s safety. It is no mystery that Memphis has been labeled the most violent city in America. Now is the time to change that, and it is up to. Please don’t let me lose hope in a city like this with so much character and cultural significance because I don’t feel safe.


Thank you for your time,

take a walk, write an essay

Okay so here I am underneath the roof of this little cove area by Patterson Hall. It is dusty and dark under here and gloomy outside. I'm kinda nervous because I'm sitting in front of 2 windows and there cold be a class in there, but the blinds are closed, so I doubt I'm visible to them. Tho loud sound of passing trucks is greatly distracting to me. So far I am distracted and nervous. Another distraction is the train for sure. But the main affect this setting has on me is a sense of gloominess. Actually, that has been pretty much a continuous feeling in my last month at Memphis, overwhelmed and gloomy. I am still trying to figure out how in the world I affect my surroundings, being on campus. How do I affect this place when there are like 20,000 other people here? I just blend in with all the other people wearing Tiger t-shirts and worrying about their safety. But I have to believe that somewhere, somehow, I am leaving my mark and affecting my surroundings. Atleast I hope I am. How awful would it be to have absolutely no affect whatsoever? Then i would just be dead weight, something nobody wants around. I would be just a complete waste of space. I guess since I am one of the only people out here under this area, I have to be affecting my surroundings somewhat since humans to tend to affect their surroundings, i just haven't quite figured out how yet.

New School: New English Class

Ok, so this essay was such a shock to me. First of all, never in my high school career have i had to write an essay that has to be a certain length. My English teachers in college always said "as many words as it takes to get the assignment done," whenever we asked how long our assignments were required to be. The only time I have ever written a paper that was longer than this essay was when we wrote our research papers yearly in high school. They had to be something like 2500 words i think. So for our first essay written in this class to be almost the same length was, obviously, somewhat of a shock.

My process was to read the essay, write about what i thought in the context of the assignment, and to write the paper. The only problem is, I procrastinated, of course. This is such a problem for me. I wait til the last day to do anything and everything I dont particularly want to do. And that always bites me in the butt. Like i woke up to go to the library and print out my document i had saved from my roomate's computer and saved it to the UM drive, but i ended up saving the wrong draft....ladadadada.....i hate making excuses. Especially when this is no one else's fault but my own for not starting on it earlier.

I dont know if this experience has changed me in the procrastination area, although i hope it has. I mean, i have procrastinated many, many, MANY times, and always said i would try to stop, but honestly, I never do. When it comes to the subject of the text changing me, well i hope it has. I found myself really liking what i read/wrote about. I found the essay way more interesting than the stuff we read in high school that was written 500 years ago. It was powerful, yet subtle and any time i can learn more about not judging others, i am on board because I really want that for myself. I think being judgemental is just about the sin of all sins if you ask me. At first, i was somewhat shocked by the fact that Griffith really wanted us to identify with Graner and realize that could very easily have been us. But I soon realized that he's absolutely right.

This experience has changed me as a writer in that I no longer have to abide by the no "I, you or we" in papers. I found it much easier to get my point across and felt much more connected to my paper, and more proud of it for some reason, being able to use these words.

Prime Directive, final copy

Meg Mulvihill
September 26, 2007
The Prime Directive
Wendy Sumner-Winter

Self-reflection, it is what haunts us after we have done something we know we shouldn’t have, or it could be us looking back at something we have done with pride. Either way, we are forced to examine ourselves and reflect on what happened. In order for a person to self-reflect, they have had to something of significance or importance to themselves, something that has come back to their mind after the fact, for one reason or another. People usually self-reflect because they are ashamed of themselves for certain behaviors they wish they could go back in time and change. Such is the case with David Griffith.
At a Halloween party, Dave Griffith, after having a few beers, posed for a picture with a man who was dressed as Charles Graner, the man who posed for disgusting pictures with prisoners from the Abu Ghraib prison. The ironic part about this is that Griffith had thought about the incident at the prison earlier that same night. The morning after, he is horrified and utterly ashamed at what he has done. This self-reflection brings him to realize that he is essentially just like Charles Graner, a fact that startles and scares him immensely.
The fact that the story takes place on Halloween has so much significance in its self. Halloween is the one night a year that one can become someone else and it’s fine because everyone else is doing it too. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. There’s no judgment. Judgment is replaced with freedom. People do things on Halloween in character, things they wouldn’t do themselves. Throw some kegs into the mix and you have people loosening up and doing things as a Prozac pill or Cracker Jack kid, that they never would have done themselves. Griffith is no exception. In the heat of the moment, he made a decision he wasn’t thinking through, a decision he probably wouldn’t have made out of costume. At on of the parties, the discussion is opened that the situation in Iraq could benefit from the Prime Directive, the moral code from Star Trek, which basically says no one may “interfere with healthy development of alien life and culture.” (128). The partygoers discussed the fact that if George Bush had followed the rule, the problem in Iraq would never have come to fruition.
While the group discussed atrocities that have gone on in Iraq, Griffith is astounded when the controversial activities that happened at the Abu Grahib prison are not mentioned. But while reading it, I was not astonished. Even typing that sentence bothered me. Controversial? There is nothing controversial about what happened at Abu Grahib. Controversial to me means that it is questionable, or a word pertaining to something that has two sides. This, on the other hand, is not questionable or controversial. It is clearly and blatantly cruel and heartless and un-American. The reason why I even thought to use the word controversial is because somewhere, deep within my young American, patriotic (or should I call it brainwashed) mind, I wanted to stick up or be on the same side as those Americans, simply because they are American and so am I. And that is exactly what the media wanted us to think. They really didn’t even want us to hear about it obviously. I barely even remember hearing about in the news. As my family is not a cable-subscribing one, we don’t have CNN or Fox News, which covered the incident more closely. But even using the word “incident” seems wrong to me when describing what happened there. What happened there was caused by Americans, they were the ones who tortured the prisoners and took pictures. And because they were Americans, the media didn’t expose the story in the way that it would have been if it were any other country that had done this to Americans.
After this thought crossing Griffith’s mind, he expresses his confusion and disappointment when he walks past “people playing drinking games” and “grinding to Outkast”. Honestly, I can see where he is coming from. I have been there before where you think of something so significant and then every detail around you seems unimportant and stupid. It causes you to judge yourself and others; something I’m not sure gets you anywhere. When he thought of the Chingy video with the voluptuous video girls and booty shaking, he stepped out of context for me. I understand that it reminded him of the naked bodies in the pictures of Abu Grahib, but videos are of themselves, they are not meant to offend anyone.
When Griffith sees the man dressed as Charles Graner, I felt as though he and I had the same reaction: how could he? It seemed so morbid to me. It made a mockery of what happened there and how horrible Graner’s actions were. But even as I find myself saying this, I realize that is not what Griffith wanted us to take away from his story, he wanted us to realize that, in the words of Dostoevsky, “we are no better”. Griffith learned that he was just as capable of doing something as atrocious as Graner as anybody else is. The fact’s truth horrified him, as it would anyone else who had any trace of a heart. As much as I hope that I will never do anything like what either Griffith or Graner did, I cannot promise it. Humans instinctively are influenced by their surroundings, whether they will admit it or not.
“Educated, metropolitan people could never do such things; we are too aware, too aware of the ways in which we must respect one another’s differences” (…) (135) This is the exact thought that I think to myself when I lie to myself by denying the fact that I could never bring myself to do something so horrible. That’s something only white trash, no moral possessing, no money having, no church going, no Holy Spirit having, gross people would do. But how many times have I let other my surrounding get the better of me and let myself make decisions I knew I would regret? How many times have I made a decision not thinking anyone would find out about? The answer is I do these things probably everyday. Maybe they are not on the same level of atrocious as the pictures of naked bodies being tortured, but who’s to say I will never do something equally disgusting?
“When we deny we have anything in common with Graner and the others who are pictured in the photos, we allow all that is most despicable and ugly in our nature to thrive.” (136).
Griffith’s writing is extremely personal and descriptive. Although he tells us very little more about his wife than she lives in another state, Griffith makes it quite clear that he loves her and respects her opinion very much, as any husband should. His use of foreshadowing in the opening paragraph sets the tone for the rest of the essay. “The world seems rife with omens,” intrigues the reader by using the haunting sound of the word “omen” to reel them in. It makes us think: what kind of omens? What will happen on this Saturday before Halloween? It also eases the reader into the dark, almost slow tone of the essay. While Griffith’s work can be considered somewhat slow, it cannot be considered boring. His usage of somewhat ordinary sentence structure and descriptiveness works into the pace of the paper and keeps it interesting. The content itself is captivatingly vivid. His constant questioning of himself helps the reader to easily relate to him. It makes him more or less real.
It didn’t take much self-reflection for Griffith to know what he did was horribly wrong. In his words, “I posed with Graner, and by doing so, humiliated those victims all over again.” (136). He had become Graner himself, and he knew it. He humiliated the victims just as Graner did. They are no different just because one did it as a sick joke, which he didn’t think through; the point is he did it. One is not better than the other and never will be.

Prime Directive

Self-reflection, it is what haunts us after we have done something we know we shouldn’t have, or it could be us looking back at something we have done with pride. Either way, we are forced to examine ourselves and reflect on what happened. In order for a person to self-reflect, they have had to something of significance or importance to themselves, something that has come back to their mind after the fact, for one reason or another. People usually self-reflect because they are ashamed of themselves for certain behaviors they wish they could go back in time and change. Such is the case with David Griffith.
At a Halloween party, Dave Griffith, after having a few beers, posed for a picture with a man who was dressed as Charles Graner, the man who posed for disgusting pictures with prisoners from the Abu Ghraib prison. The ironic part about this is that Griffith had thought about the incident at the prison earlier that same night. The morning after, he is horrified and utterly ashamed at what he has done. This self-reflection brings him to realize that he is essentially just like Charles Graner, a fact that startles and scares him immensely.
The fact that the story takes place on Halloween has so much significance in its self. Halloween is the one night a year that one can become someone else and it’s fine because everyone else is doing it too. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. There’s no judgment. Judgment is replaced with freedom. People do things on Halloween in character, things they wouldn’t do themselves. Throw some kegs into the mix and you have people loosening up and doing things as a Prozac pill or Cracker Jack kid, that they never would have done themselves. Griffith is no exception. In the heat of the moment, he made a decision he wasn’t thinking through, a decision he probably wouldn’t have made out of costume. At on of the parties, the discussion is opened that the situation in Iraq could benefit from the Prime Directive, the moral code from Star Trek, which basically says no one may “interfere with healthy development of alien life and culture.” (128). The partygoers discussed the fact that if George Bush had followed the rule, the problem in Iraq would never have come to fruition.
While the group discussed atrocities that have gone on in Iraq, Griffith is astounded when what happened at Abu Grahib is not mentioned. But while reading it, I was not astonished. I barely even remember hearing about it on the news. As my family is not a cable-subscribing one, we don’t have CNN or Fox News, which covered the incident more closely. But even using the word “incident” seems wrong to me when describing what happened there. What happened there was caused by Americans, they were the ones who tortured the prisoners and took pictures. And because they were Americans, the media didn’t expose the story in the way that it would have been if it were any other country that had done this to Americans.
After this thought crossing Griffith’s mind, he expresses his confusion and disappointment when he walks past “people playing drinking games” and “grinding to Outkast”. Honestly, I can see where he is coming from. I have been there before where you think of something so significant and then every detail around you seems unimportant and stupid. It causes you to judge yourself and others; something I’m not sure gets you anywhere. When he thought of the Chingy video with the voluptuous video girls and booty shaking, he stepped out of context for me. I understand that it reminded him of the naked bodies in the pictures of Abu Grahib, but videos are of themselves, they are not meant to offend anyone.
When Griffith sees the man dressed as Charles Graner, I felt as though he and I had the same reaction: how could he? It seemed so morbid to me. It made a mockery of what happened there and what Graner did and how horrible it was. But even as I find myself saying this, I realize that is not what Griffith wanted us to take away from his story, he wanted us to realize that, in the words of Dostoevsky, “we are no better”. Griffith learned that he was just as capable of doing something as atrocious as Graner as anybody else is. The fact’s truth horrified him, as it would anyone else who had any trace of a heart. As much as I hope that I will never do anything like what either Griffith or Graner did, I cannot promise it. Humans instinctively are influenced by their surroundings, whether they will admit it or not.
“Educated, metropolitan people could never do such things; we are too aware, too aware of the ways in which we must respect one another’s differences” (…) (135) This is the exact thought that I think to myself when I lie to myself by denying the fact that I could never bring myself to do something so horrible. That’s something only white trash, no moral possessing, no money having, no church going, no Holy Spirit having, gross people would do. But how many times have I let other my surrounding get the better of me and let myself make decisions I knew I would regret? How many times have I made a decision not thinking anyone would find out about? The answer is I do these things probably everyday. Maybe they are not on the same level of atrocious as the pictures of naked bodies being tortured, but who’s to say I will never do something equally disgusting?
“When we deny we have anything in common with Graner and the others who are pictured in the photos, we allow all that is most despicable and ugly in our nature to thrive.” (136).
It didn’t take much self-reflection for Griffith to know what he did was horribly wrong. In his words, “I posed with Graner, and by doing so, humiliated those victims all over again.” (136). He had become Graner himself, and he knew it. He humiliated the victims just as Graner did. They are no different just because one did it as a sick joke, which he didn’t think through; the point is he did it. One is not better than the other and never will be.

but daddy, i wanted the pink one!

ok, so here i am again with little to nothing to write about....ok got something. I am currently writing this paper on my roommate/best friend's macbook lap top. Do you want to know why I am not using my own lap top? People might guess, "because you don't have one??" But oh, i have one. I have possibly the slowest, most unreliable, worst laptop known to man. Sometimes it decides to pick up the internet, sometimes it doesnt. Sometimes it decides to be kinda ok fast, sometimes it decides to be as slow as Christmas

Do you want to know why i have possibly the worst laptop of any one on campus?? Because my father could quite possibly be the cheapest, most frugal man alive. I mean, its really sad. The man goes 5 miles down to Kroger when we basically live next door to Publix because "they have better prices". What he doesn't realize is the gas he uses to get there and back probably outweighs the difference in the cost of the groceries from one place to another. He travels for a living and very very often has to stay in hotels. If you open up his bathroom closet, you will find literally a hudred of those little bottles of shampoo and body wash and bars of soap that he has jacked out of each hotel he has stayed at. That way he doesn't have to pay for any of these toiletries hardly ever. He makes us turn in all of our reciepts of anything we put on our credit cards, even if it is like 30 cents... the man is crazy!!

Anyway that is all beside the point. The point is, due to my dad's cheapness, I have a crappy computer. I was really hoping to get one of those new pink laptops that dell makes, but nooooo. I got the ugly grey Everex? A brand nobody has even heard of, just because there was "a great deal on it". He got some kind of giant rebate off it and just couldn't help himself. I honestly thought i was going to get the laptop of my choice because I am basically going to college for free due to scholarships i have gotten. That should weigh in somewhere if you ask me. He should have said, "oh thank you meg for your great work....you may have anything you want!!" But thats not exactly how life works now is it?

September 11th, album release??

Does anyone else find it very strange and somewhat offensive how this September 11th was celebrated this year? In case you didn't hear, both 50 Cent and Kanye West decided to release their albums this year on September 11th. Now usually artists will schedule their release dates around other artists release dates, but the rappers decided to use their simultaneous release dates as a competition of sorts. Both rappers swore to quit their solo rap careers if the other rapper beat them in record sales. For those of you out there counting, the last I heard Kanye had doubled the g-unit frontman's sales so far.

The artists have used the release date and challenge as publicity, obviously, but if you ask me, they have taken it a step too far. I was watching Best Week Ever today which was making fun of the fact that the artists had chosen such an important and significant date to Americans to do something as miniscule as drop their album. What really made my head spin was that the rappers appeared on BET's popular show 106th and Park on September 11th to promote both of their albums and the show's host started the show off by saying, "today, September the 11th, is a monumental day". But he wasn't referring to the significance of 9/11 as most of us know it. He wasn't talking about the close to 6,000 people who lost their lives, thousands more who were injured, the event that started the current war we are fighting in, and he certainly was not coming out of a place of reverence. No, he was talking about how "monumental" it is that 2 artists of 50 and Kanye's caliber were dropping their albums on the same day

Now don't get me wrong, I am a fan of both of these artists. I love the diverstiy and newness that Kanye brings to hip-hop. And 50 Cent has turned himself into more of a mogul than an artist. His background is the quinticential "rags to riches story". These 2 men are incedibly influencial to hip-hop and pop culture itself. But is hip-hop or pop culture as important and significant as what happened on 9/11? I don't think so. I don't think its anywhere close. I think that it is completely irreverent and selfish to 1st of all: use this date as your album release date. And 2nd of all: call dropping an album on that day "monumental". When put next to what happened at the world trade center on that day, it is anything but monumental.

This also makes me wonder: did the artists use this date as a marketing tool? September 11th is a date that sticks out in my mind. I hardly ever know what day of the month it is, but on September 11th I definitely know. Did the artists take advantage of the freshness on American's mind of the events of that day to think to themselves, "let's use its familiarity so people will think, oh its September 11th, dont kanye west's and 50 cent's albums drop today?" If that is the case, which i hope it is not, that is so utterly disappointing to me. I hope that they had no intent to make money off of the vividness that date brings to Americans. I hope that it was just an open date. I was offended enough at the whole "monumental" thing, but if this is true, then I really think my perspective of these artists will change.

rock of love

Ok, i know i really have been sticking whats happening in entertainment as the subjects for my blogs, but i just cant help myself. Its something i just happen to be very interested in. Well tonight is the newest episode. For those of you who dont watch reality television as much as i do, rock of love is a reality dating show where Bret Michaels, lead singer of the rock band poison, is trying to find his "rock of love"...aka the sluttiest girl who he can call his girlfriend but will still be ok with him hooking up with groupies while hes on tour. Anyway, its down to: Heather-the transvestite, drag queen looking stripper who is very strangely obsessed with with bret in a fatal attraction kind of way (she got bret's name tatooed on the back of her neck after knowing him about ohhh..... 4 or 5 weeks!!). Then theres Jes, my personal favorite who is the cutest and edgy at the same time. She is the only sane one left in the house. She has been my favorite since the beginning. She has a good head on her shoulders. Then there is Lacy- THE SPAWN OF SATAN HIMSELF!!!! She even looks evil. She has bright red hair and quite possibly the most evil smile I have ever seen. She is PSYCHO!!! Since the very begining of the show, she has put all her effort into pissing all the other girls off to where they will do stupid things and be sent home for them. At one point she just rubs up on this girl and talks shit to her hoping she will lose it and hit her, which would be enough to get her expelled from the house. Lacy is enough to get under absolutely anyone's skin. She is enough to make a nun cuss-if you will.

I was quite skeptical of this show in the beginning. I was Such a fan of both of the Flavor of Loves and still watch all the episodes when they run on rerun marathons. This show seemed like it would be a white trashy version, trying to catch a ride on the bus of success that vh1 had going from flavor of love. But once I started watching, I couldnt stop. Once I saw the epidode where there were a bunch of girls in their underwear dancing around on a pole and saying "if we put our boobs together, we can think better", i thought, oh god this is going to be disgusting. But i still couldnt help watching.

Well, girls have come and gone from the house, ones I liked and ones I didnt. Ones who had class, and ones who didnt. Ones who wore clothes, and ones that didn't. Anyway, I am hoping that after tonight, jes is still in the house. Part of me wants to believe that the producers of the show told Bret that he must keep Lacy on for all these weeks bc she makes good tv, which someone who is as evil as her usually does. But if Bret picks Lacy next week on the finale, I have decided to boycott vh1 for some time. This will be very hard for me considering Hogan Knows Best comes on that channel, another one of my favorites. But I am willing to do so if vh1 stoops to this level. SERIOUSLY BRET!!!! i want to believe that you are smart enough to know a manipulative, evil, psycho bitch when you see one!!!

Yell, Scream, Be Heard!!

All families are immensely different. Most families can either be classified as reserved, or in-your-face and loud. Family essentially shapes who you are. They are ultimately the greatest influence in a young person's life. Most people can be classified as loud or reserved. Yes some people fall somewhere between those two classifications, but most people fall under one category of another. This is primarily due to the influence their parents had on them as they grew and matured. My family definitely can be described as loud, obnoxious, and somewhat overbearing. And I have had to come to grips with the fact that my family, being as loud and unruly as they are, have been my primary influence. If most people end up like their parents, then I will probably turn out to be an even more loud, outspoken adult then I already am as a teenager.

Everyone in my family is as loud as can be, within my immediate family as well as my extended family. It has been a means of survival. The people in my family are uninhibited and unembarassed when it comes to noise and volume. You would never be heard in my family if you were quiet. Quickly you come to understand that you must talk over people, as rude as it seems, in order to simply be heard. My dad comes from a family of 8 children, all of whom are now grown and loud and have loud children, some of the children (my cousins) being borderline obnoxious. If you get angry in my family, we hardly ever deal with it rationally, we just tend to yell until someone walks away. Whoever yells the loudest wins the arguement, as twisted and incorrect as that may seem. It's just our means of existence. In my family, you learn at a very young age that if you do not speak loudly, you won't be heard. And for a child's vloice to be heard, you basically have to shout. This is partly due to the fact that everyone has something to say and truly believes what they have to say is more important than what the next person has to say. They never would admit that, but that's essentially what it comes down to.

I can remember feeling embarassed, and sometimes still do, about my family's loudness. I remember people staring at us, or atleast thinking they were. I can remember friends of mine when i was young telling me how loud my family was. You're not embarassed until you are old enough to recegnize that not every family is like yours. In my case, NOBODY I had met was remotely like my family. Thus started my lifelong (so far) embarassment of my family. My dad has this habit of singing very loudly in public. To this day I HATE when he does that. It really irritates the hell out of me. People stare, and I am so embarrassed. And when I ask him to stop, I am always greeted with a wonderfully shameful, "this is who I am, stop trying to make me something I'm not. I'm sorry your father is soo embarassing that you're ashamed of him!" Sense the sarcasm? And then there are other times when I am proud to be in a large, loud family. This is usually when I am with all of my dad's brothers and sisters and their families. There is strength in numbers. When you're part of a large loud group of people, it's not half as embarassing as just being with my immediate family of 4. I actually love being in public with all of my aunts, uncles, and cousins. I love laughing loudly with them and hearing their stories.

I can also remember being very young and going to some of my first overnight stays at my friend's houses. Some of their families were quiet, polite, and hardly ever told jokes. This was somewhat confusing for me. At this point in my life, all I knew was loud, obnoxious, and funny. It made me wonder: Was my family was normal? I wasn't old enough yet to grasp the concept that no families are normal. Even further, I now believe there is no such thing as a normal family, never has been and never will be. But now I believe my family is one of the least normal. I can remember going over to certain individual's houses repeatedly and thinking, "this is a nice escape! It is peaceful, quiet, you don't have to yell to be heard, I kind of like it here!" There were other times that going to these type of households made me so uncomfortable that I wanted to leave and go back to the circus (aka the Mulvihill house). I can remember thinking, "do these people have fun?" I felt like I couldn't be myself, which was one thing I always felt like I could be in my own home.

Where did this loud state of mind come from? I have asked this of myself many times. It didn't take me long to pick up on the fact that my dad was loud because of coming from a loud family of 10 people in one house. He had no other choice if he had any hope of being heard. My mom is one of the loudest on her side of the family, immediate and extended. But I often still wonder: Does the fact that we are Irish have anything to do with it? Irish people are notoriously loud and somewhat obnoxious. Could that have anything to do with it? Maybe this is generational, passed down from the very beginning.

Whatever the reason for it being true, it is true, and always will. My family will always be loud. I often find myself being obnoxious and loud for no apparent or evident reason. I guess when you get right down to it, people really do, in one way or another, strongly take after their parents. It is something I never thought would happen; something I never thought I would have to come to grips with. But here I am, doing just that. I find myself becoming more loud and outspoken as I grow older and continue to grow more into myself. If college is like everyone says and is the time in your life when you figure out who you really are, then I assume that I will become even more outspoken and loud then I already am. Ultimately, I know that the belief that you must yell to be heard and understood is a wrong belief. People should be able to speak in a normal, clear tone and be heard. But the belief makes me think of family, which is something that is anything but wrong.

Changing Scenes

Our Theme: Changing Scenes
Everybody has their reservations about starting college, whether is leaving a familiar home or just having trouble adjusting to a strange new environment. These things are common with almost any starting freshman. I think that most people believe they are truly alone once college begins, but they really don’t know how “together” they are with hundreds of other students that are experiencing identical feelings. In a sense, we’re all together on the fact that we were scared to start college, and have our specific reasons to be doubtful of ourselves and our whole college experience. There are many issues we can discuss about the whole predicament of “starting college,” and most of these issues can apply to any random person.

Reading over our entries, I know that we all share at least one thing in common amongst our group: our families. We’re essentially leaving family behind or growing apart from our families. In high school, our families are there for us to keep an eye on us. Everyone hates having the restrictions of their parents in high school, but now some of us are realizing that they appreciated that sense of security that we get from out parents just being close. One thing to also consider is that our families may include close friends, and even teachers (family is a broad term). These people essentially grew up with us, or again, watched over us during high school. When starting college, we lose these people and have to develop a whole new network of friends and other people to build up a “family” again. The first weeks of college were almost a test to see if students can deal with the emotional pressure of being alone, or less attached to the social infrastructure that lasted them throughout the past four years. It’s amazing to think about how so many people are going through the same things as ourselves. The similarities are there in everyone, and we shouldn’t ignore them.

Another thing that we must consider is the great number of people that are coming out of state and even from surrounding areas to whatever college it may be. These people are experiencing a completely new and strange environment that they’ve never even fathomed before. When considering the effect a new living condition has on a person, you must consider several things. With students out of state, there’s the whole shock of the culture. The University of Memphis is located in the “Mid - South” region of the Southern United States, and thus prides itself as being “Southern.” This brings up stereotypes and assumptions that any person foreign to the region would immediately expect. And also, the people going to the University of Memphis might receive the out of state person with some scrutiny based on projected images on that person’s culture (it’s “culture shock” basically). College campuses are a homogenization of culture from all around the world. It’s a big change for everyone, though admittedly harder for some people more than others.

Our country is made up of many different regions, all varying in their sense of culture, speech, and morals. A silent battle is prominent among two of the larger ones that I’ve lived in: the North and the South. When I moved here two years ago, I was appalled at the culture shock. Southerners were supposed to nice and hospitable. Instead, I was introduced the "Murder Mall," also known as Hickory Ridge Mall. I also always keep a fully-loaded can of mace by my side. But it isn't just the crime in the city; it's the inbreds that live in the suburbs. They talk funny and slow. They ride around in big trucks with Rebel flags and drink cheap beer.

When we first started looking at houses down here, I noticed that nearly every one had a sign within their house that said "This house will serve the Lord," or something like that. It became apparent that we were in the "Bible Belt." I was born and raised Catholic. There are no Catholic churches down here. But it's okay, because I don't really like church anyways. And when I tell people that they usually look at me like I'm going to hell because church is good (at least when you're blinded by your faith it is). The number of churches in Collierville is probably equivalent to the number of bars up there.

I can appreciate a nice, little accent, but the Southern draws have to go. Maybe it is just because everything is in slow motion down here. The other day I was at the Honors Welcome Dinner and my suitemate happened to be at the same table. We were making small talk with the rest of the people at our table when someone asked where I was from and I told them Pittsburgh. My suitemate looked at me and simply said, "Ohhhh, you're from up north so it's an accent. I thought it was just a speech impediment." I didn't know whether it laugh and shrug it off or to give her the death stare.

It just doesn't feel like anyone loves there city. I know it's hard with all of the crime reports, but Memphis really does have a lot to offer. Collierville is Memphis. Cordova is Memphis. Hell, even Munford is Memphis. In Pittsburgh, people took pride in their city. We loved the Steelers and we knew when and where every Wing Night in the city was. It was a melting pot of ethnicities: Italians, Pols, Ukrainians, Irish, and Germans. It was more than black or white. It was the Steel City and it was tough. People didn't come from money; people worked in the steel mills for a living. College probably would have led me to take out tons of student loans (thank God for the lottery scholarship and the University of Memphis one I got). But at least I knew where I had came from and I wasn't trying to leave. I get that vibe that in Memphis people are either leaving or wanting to leave.

Part of the culture shock is learning how to meet new people. It happens anytime one switches places, schools, or towns. Sure, regions have their own sense of identity, but on a smaller scale, that sense of identities can exist within towns, too. Moving is never easy, even if in the end it works out. The transitional period can last a lifetime and one never forgets the memories and friends left behind.

"College is a new step, you're going to love it!" That's what everyone i talked to about college told me. I never really was worried about where to go to college. I applied to 3, visited two, and ended up getting the best feeling at this school. Moving to Memphis ended up being, and continues to be, such an adustment for me. In Franklin, where I'm from, I could go anywhere (the mall, the grocery store, the movies) and see smiling faces of people I knew.
Choosing to come to Memphis not knowing a single person is a decision I'm not quite sure i completely understood I was making. Yes, I had said the words and thought about it somewhat, but it really takes living somewhere to get a feel for the city. When I came to visit, I saw the best Memphis had to offer. I stayed at the Peabody, went to the Grizzlies-Lakers game, ate at the Rendevous, the whole kit and kaboodle. I feel like that impression of Memphis led me to make my decision about the school. Shortly after moving here for school, I realized those things are not Memphis. Yes they are a part of Memphis, but a very minute part. I simply hadn't prepared myself for what was in store.

I am somewhat spoiled coming from the town I lived in. Franklin is beautiful, there is no crime, I always left my car unlocked everywhere I went, and people were beyond friendly. I was shocked when the first night after I moved here I met these 2 guys who were carrying guns and acted like it was an everyday thing to do. I don't think after over 10 years of living there I knew of one person from Franklin who carried a gun and on the first night in Memphis I met not one, but two. They acted like you must carry some sort of protection because anything could happen. This concept was too much for my sheltered mind to comprehend.
Needless to say, this was not a good first impression of Memphis. The city seems to be full of culture and city life, but I don't know how to find any of that yet. And even if I did know how to, I wouldn't really know how to get involved. This is all a result of not knowing anyone or knowing anything about the city. The farthest I have ever moved is from Nashville to Franklin, which is all of about 25 miles. Now I am three and a half hours away from home. Sometimes I ask myself, what was I thinking?? Realizing that this is what is best for me is also a concept that is very hard for me to grasp at this present moment. I keep having to tell myself that millions of college students have done this before and survived.

Survival is the key word though. Learning how to make it on your own. That seems to be the biggest problem I keep running into. I grew up the last of five, so I was always used to having my brothers and sister there to help me. At school, everyone knew I was a Fehrenbach, and most of the kids either knew me, or the older kids had known my sister, which in turn led to knowing me. I had a person to go to for everything. I could call my sister if I wanted to check out, call my brother when I needed a ride, my teacher to come open the back door when I got to school late because “my alarm didn’t go off”. I had my life set, if I ever slipped up there was always someone there to help me hide my mess and move on from it.
Here, there’s nothing like that. I’m starting over, completely starting over. No friends, no teachers, no family who is here to help me. Sure I can pick up my cell phone, but a cell phone can’t hug me when I’m upset. A cell phone can’t come get me when I’m feeling too sick to get out of bed. A cell phone can’t even show me those people; all I have is their voice to listen too and a picture frame to stare at. I compare moving to college like learning how to swim. People who go to school not that far from their homes and their families are the kids who get swimming lessons with arm floaties on. They have people there to guide them through their first couple of rough waves. Myself, I’m the kid who is thrown into the pool with nothing on. It’s sink or swim. And, although I can cry for help, it takes much longer for someone to come help me, because I don’t know who to call down here. I can have people yell tips of what to do, but no one can jump in and show me what to do. And although most the time I feel like I’m sinking further and further, I’m fighting harder and harder to keep myself afloat. I’m trying so hard to catch up to those kids with the arm floaties. I’m trying so hard to make life what it was like back home, or at least somewhat like it was.

It’s hard to picture that everyone is going through the exact same thing. You don’t realize that a huge part of life is changing scenes and leaving old ones behind, and when it does happen you feel alone. Part of the confusion is everyone reacting differently to new environment. But we’re slowly realizing that just like we’ve adjusted before we’ll adjust again.

freewrite

Everyone in my family is as loud as can be, within my immediate family was well as extended family. It's almost a means of survival. The people in my family are uninhibited and unembarassed when it comes to noise and volume. You would never be heard in my family if you were quiet because qucikly you come to understand that you must talk over people, as rude as it seems, in order to simply be heard. My dad comes from a family of 8 children, all of whom are now grown and loud and have loud children, some of the children (my cousins) being borderline obnoxious. If you get angry in my family, we hardly ever deal with it rationally, we just yell at eachother pretty much. Whoever yells the loudest wins the arguement, as twisted and incorrect as that may seem. It's just our means of existence. In my family, you learn at a very young age that if you do not speak loudly, you won't be heard. And for a child's vloice to be heard, you basically have to shout. This is partly due to the fact that everyone has something to say and truly believes what they have to say is more important than what the next person has to say. They never would admit that, but that's essentially what it comes down to. I can remember feeling embarassed, and sometimes still do, about my family's loudness. I remember people staring at us, or atleast thinking they were. I can remember friends of mine when i was young telling me how loud my family was. You're not embarassed until you are old enough to recegnize that not every family is like yours. In my case, NOBODY I had met was remotely like my family. Thus started my lifelong (so far) embarassment of my family. My dad has this habit of singing very loudly in public. To this day I HATE when he does that. It really irritates the hell out of me. People stare, and I am so embarrassed. And when I ask him to stop, I am always greeted with a wonderfully shameful, "this is who I am, stop trying to make me something I'm not. I'm sorry your father is soo embarassing that you're ashamed of him!" Sense the sarcasm?? And then there are other times when I am proud to be in a large, loud family. This is usually when I am with all of my dad's brothers and sisters and their families. There are strength in numbers. When you're part of a large loud group of people, it's not half as embarassing as being with my immediate family of 4. I actually love being in public with all of them. I love laughing loud with them, hearing them tell stories, the whole bit.

I can also remember being very young and going to some of my first spend the night's at my friend's house. Their family was quiet, polite, and hardly ever told jokes. This was somewhat confusing. At this point in my life, all I knew was loud, obnoxious, and funny. It made me wonder if my family was normal, or if they were normal, as any small child would. I wasn't old enough yet to grasp the concept that no families are normal. But now I believe my family is one of the least normal. I can remember going over to certain individual's houses repeatedly and thinking, "this is a nice escape! It is peaceful, quiet, you don't have to yell to be heard, I kind of like it here!" There were other times that going to these type of households made me so uncomfortable that I wanted to leave and go back to the circus aka the Mulvihill house. I can remember thinking, "do these people have fun?"

Where did this come from? I asked myself. It didn't take me long to pick up on the fact that my dad was loud because being from a loud family of 10 people in one house, he had no other choice if he had any hope of being heard. My mom is one of the loudest in her family, immediate and extended. But I often still wonder: Does the fact that we are Irish have anything to do with it? Irish people are notoriously loud and somewhat obnoxious. Could that have anything to do with it? Maybe this is generational and from the very begining, the Mulvihills have been notoriously loud people.

So I chose to write on the belief that you have to yell in o rder to get your point across. I was pretty much brought up to believe this, in one way or another.

-Everyone in my family is very very loud-I feel embarassed at times, and proud at times depending on the setting, this was infulencing, exaggerated, scary at times, at times i felt sad, at times I felt like I had done something wrong when I hadn't

-Going to other People's houses-uncomfortable, confused, made me think about how loud my family actually is, sometimes made me want to go home, sometimes made me want to stay, sometimes made me feel at peace and calm, good escape, made me wonder if the way my house was run was normal

-Wondering if it's an Irish thing-Sensing that I needed to have an explanation for why my family is loud, wondering about my heritage and if it had anything to do with why my family expresses themselves the way they do

significants

Significant Event-Getting my pony Jet for my 8th birthday
-Him escaping out the fence while I was riding him
-Going to horse shows
-Getting rid of him because I had outgrown him and having to get a bigger horse

Significant Person-My Nephew Hayden
-Finding out my sister was pregnant, and then finding out he was a "he"
-Going to the hospital when he was born and holding him for the 1st time
-Spending the whole summer nannying him and really getting to know him

Significant Belief-You have to yell to get your point across, whether it be out of anger or just to be heard
-Everyone in my family yelling and shouting at one another
-Going to other people's houses who have quiet families and wondering if they were normal or if my family was normal
-Wondering if it's just an Irish thing

big bills for your nine mil?

Please tell me someone has seen the commercial where the lady is urging high school students to turn in their guns at school and they will pay them????? Are you kidding me?? Ok im not from around here, is the Memphis scool system really that bad?? And if it is, why don't ya'll just have metal detectors at the entrance like other schools that have problems like this? Are the schools really that dangerous that they must bribe students with cash so that they won't carry their gun to school?? That is such a foreign concept to me. Yes, i understand i'm not in Franklin anymore, but this is not what i am used to at all. The most i ever heard of at the nearest public high school to me (which i was never allowed to attend mind you. Public schools=corruption hahaha) was some kid streaking at a basketball pep rally. If someone ever was caught with a gun in school, it would be headline news.

I don't think i agree with this at all. How much money are they giving out to these students? And that money, i assume is taxpayer's money. What do they think the students will go out and do with the money? If you ask me, give any student who is rebelious enough to bring a gun to school some money, and he will spend it on something else that is dangerous, maybe even a nicer gun. I simply think that if the school system is that worried about students bringing guns to school, they should take further measures to safen their schools. Install metal detectors in the lockers, have random locker checks, anything other than this program which is basically supporting their behavior. What they are essentially saying is "hey, bring your gun to school and we'll pay you for it" when they should be saying, "hey, if you bring a gun to school, you'll be expelled from school and arrested."

4 more days!!!

Ok, i never thought i would be saying this, but on friday my family is coming in town and i absolutely can't wait to see them. Well, actually my boyfriend is coming too which is a major part of why i am excited as well. But i really was under the impression that i would get to college and you know, call my parents once in a while, maybe go home every other month or so, not really ever think about them. Oh no, it is the exact opposite. I probably talk to my mom on the phone 3 times a day, i think about this weekend about 4 times an hour, and i miss home so much more than i thought i would

Yes, i like it here. I have made some friends and don't get me wrong, the freedom is great. I dont have to be in at one, i dont have to keep my room clean, and really dont answer to anyone when it comes to how i decide to live my life. But i still miss them immensely. My older sister who is 16 years older than i am said, "oh college is great. I got there and everyone was crying and homesick and i was like what are ya'll crying about? This is great!! I was never homesick." And here i am, "Mommy, daddy, i miss you so much (tear, tear, sniffle) I can't wait to see you this weekend!!" Kinda embarassing, i must say.

The reason they are coming in town is because my high school alma mater is playing a local memphis school in football friday night. (ECS, or something??) My boyfriend and younger brother both still attend my old school, the boyfriend plays football. I really am about to just like jump for joy about this whole weekend and i feel like a complete nerd for it. In college, youre supposed to be so excited for parties and living it up. And what am i excited about?? thats right, my parents coming in town?? Embarassing, and utterly dorky

The virgin suicides: like what??

ok so last night i rented and watched the Virgin Suicides, the 2000 film written and directed by Sofia Coppolla, a director i trust and (usually) like her work. A friend of mine reccomended this movie to me a long time ago, calling it one of her favorite movies. Plus i still had a good taste in my mouth from the last Sofia Coppolla movie i saw, Marie Antoinette, which i thought was breathtaking, wonderful, the whole bit. So i thought i would give this Virgin Suicides a shot. Slow moving, and artsy like Coppollas other movies, this movie just flat out confused me. I didnt know, and still dont, what exactly she was trying to say to me. To me it was just five blond sisters who lead a happy life, except for the fact that they have insanely strict parents who dont let them do anything. Then they all kill themselves?? It was all also so anti-climactic and didn't have anything to say, in my opinion. I just really didnt get it. If anybody else has seen it and wants to discuss or clear it all up for me, that would be excellent. Was it symbolic of something else?? im so confused........

BRITNEY SPEARS TONIGHT!!!

I can hardly wait til tonight!!! it is the mtv music awards and Britney Spears is performing!!! I wouldnt even consider myself a fan. Well, yes i loved me some hit me baby one more time and crazy back in the day. Come on, they were pre-teen anthems!! But i dont think i own, or ever owned one of her albums. And ever since the whole make out session with madonna at the vma's a few years back, my perception of her has gone from bad to worse. I think shes somewhat of a train wreck at the moment. 1st she was married to a high school friend for a whopping 22 hours before getting it annulled. But she did manage to stay married to her 2nd husband, kevin federline, also known as kfed, for almost a year i think?? impressive britney!! And out of that marraige came two bouncing baby boys, sean-preston, and jayden james.

Following their births came a string of bizarre events including britney holding sean-preston in the front seat of her car, almost dropping him on the street pavement, buckling his car seat in the wrong way, and most recently holding jayden james and her pack of marbolo lights in the same hand. Of course the paparazzi was there to document every second. And forget the kids. Britney gets into enough trouble on her own. Whether it be her not wearing panties and spreading her legs for the world to see her goodies while getting out of her car. Or you could take her rumored in-and-out relationship with drug rehab. Or the shaving her head incident. Or the world watching as she attacked a paparazzi photographer's car with an umbrella. To make a long story short, she has a lot of things to bounce back from. Tonight could be her chance!!
If you ask me, her last song that wasn't complete bull was toxic. Great song, great video. Everything since then was really pitiful. Her My Perogative cover was less than amusing. Her B Remixes album sold about 2 copies worldwide. Needless to say, her recent career moves have been.....interesting. Not interesting, just plain bad. Recently she has been photographed with a one, Criss Angel, a tv magician with psycho bad hair. Anyway, there was speculation that the two of them were dating, but Brit quickly cleared up that they are actually working together on her mtv music awards performance which she said they are collaborating on. Well, no one believed her, but it actually turned out to be true!! Tonight she is supposed to be appearing and reappearing during her act, an Angel touch.

Tonight, Britney really needs to perform her best if she has any hope at a comeback career. Critics are already calling her new album garbage. I heard a radio dj on a memphis area radio station bashing the album while playing clips from it. Ohhh so cheesy, Britney what were you thinking?? And I recently saw photographs in a tabloid that were pics of her shooting her newest video, which also looked equally horrible. But i still can't hardly wait for what Britney has in store for tonight!! I'm guessing she will be wearing a wig, and something stripperish, if she holds to her style she has had for her previous awards show performances. I really want her to do well, and have a killer comeback career. I'm rooting for her!! i would love to see her clean up her act and have the same success she did way back when.... tune in tonight to see how it goes!!

Wanda Sykes Interview

You've probably seen the comedian Wanda Sykes in the movie Monster in Law, heard her voice as the skunk in the movie Over the Hedge, or seen her stand-up routine on a number of television stations. Reading an interview with her was new to me. I chose to read this article/interview because I have seen some of her movies, seen her routine on tv, and have for the most part enjoyed her work. I would call myself somewhat of a fan. I knew I would be interested in this interview when the first of about 5 headlines contained in the article was entitled "The Unwanted Children Grow up to Be Assholes". Intriguing, i thought. As I read I learned she was talking about the fact that she has no desire to have children and the reaction she gets from people when she states that fact out loud to them. I guess that caught me by surprise too. For some reason, in America we think that if you are blessed with the female parts needed to concieve, carry, and bring a child into this world, then why wouldn't you? My brother and his wife have chosen not to have children, and have gotten the same reaction from people. "Why on earth would you not want to have children?" And I find myself asking the same question. I guess myself and most other people take the statement "I don't want children" as "I don't like children", which sounds harsh, almost cruel in a sense.

Sykes also discussed the reaction she has recieved from critics regarding the roles she has accepted to play. It was brought up in the interview that some critics took issue with the fact that she was offered the part, and was cast as the role of a white woman's assistant. Sykes quoted Chris Rock who said, "Jim Carrey just gets to be Jim Carrey, he's not responsible to represent white America." Her frustration seemed evident. I thought, anybody could play an assistant. White, black, hispanic, asian, who really cares?? I think when we bring up the whole, "oh black people shouldn't play these parts or white people shouldn't play these parts, or these people shouldn't do this or that," we're taking steps backward. The wrong direction. Let anyone choose what part he or she wants to play. If Wanda Sykes was offended by being offered an assistant role, she wouldn't have taken it. I'm sure the role was offered to white people as well. She, and every other actor, should get to play whatever part she chooses to play without people telling her why she shouldn't. That is her decision.

Sykes worked for the National Security Agency for 5 years. Quite a step from the NSA to comedy. She said what made her choose to change was how whenever she had any time off, even a couple hours, she took it right when she got it. Her co-workers were saving up their time for a vacation and she would leave the moment she got even an hour. She had been doing stand up here and there, something that made her very happy. She brought up the fact that we are raised to go to school, go to college, get a job and stay there. From a very young age we are asked, "what do you want to be when you grow up?" Uta Hagen, a legendary theatre actress said, "If you can quit, you should." How true. If you can walk away from anything without regrets, go for it, by all means. To be utterly cliche, life is too short to be doing something that you can't stand, or even don't love. I find myself doing things I don't like all the time, should i just quit it all? I don't want to be a quitter. And at the same time, there are things, like school that i don't necessarily always like, but I know I am bettering myself and that it will help me immensely in the long run, so I stick with it. So i guess I agree and disagree. It depends on the situation-as much of a cop out as that is, it's how I feel.